When Selena came over, i always felt better. She could distract me, and help me get through whatever i was going through. I was happy when i was with her. But when she left, my brokenness came back. I knew she couldn't be with me all the time, and i accepted that. She had a life too, and i needed to let her live it. But the lonely part of me would always return. It was dumb and naive of me to think that maybe i could get better. I couldn't, no matter how hard i tried. The reputation era was good, it helped me. A little. The tour made me smile and laugh, which is something i hadn't done for a while. When it ended, and i wrote Lover, my fans were thinking that maybe i was happy again, and i was doing better than i ever has. The truth was that i wasn't happy. Not one bit, i was broken. I thought i would try to write some positive lyrics for all my loyal fans, and then that turned into a positive album, which meant a positive era. So i needed to live through the Lover era - in constant fake smiles - trying to please everyone except myself.