Zara:PTSD

Too much to handle?

Wednesday, August 12
Today is the first day of school. It's going to be different this year. No Samantha, No Madison. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened so far which is good but also a little boring. Ever since the fight, everyone comes up to me trying to be friends and after a 2-minute conversation, they're done.
"Look who it is"
Hey... Trisha.
"Is that all you have to say to me?"
What do you want me to say? I'm so sorry that I'm not the one who beat you up, I'm so sorry that you and Samantha got exposed?
"You act so tough. Because of you, Samantha isn't in this school. Because of you, I'm all alone. Just because you won one fight doesn't make you a saint. Do you think people really want to give you the time of day? No, they don't? So get off your high horse because you're going to get knocked down soon."
Thanks for telling me something Samantha has told me since middle school. Spoiler alert, I may get knocked down, but it doesn't mean I won't stand up.
"You are pathetic you know that. You think you deserve everything. You used Samantha's family against her. That makes you such an awesome person doesn't it. Spoiler alert, it does not. Just because Samantha's gone, it doesn't mean you can claim her throne-"
"You think you're going to claim this "throne"
Lilly?
"Hi, Zara. And you must be... Trisha."
"Who are you?"
"I'm the person Samantha tried to replace but failed... miserably."
"Oh, So you're the one who backstabbed her. Samantha did say you were a snake. You look like one as well."
"Thank you so much for that amazing compliment but I'm not here for compliments, so let's get to the point."
"You know what I was a better friend to Samantha than you ever were."
"Really? Is that why she left countless voicemails on my phone or sent me a thousand texts. Or is that why she went to my house. Hate to break it to you but you were never her friend, she uses people to get what she wants. It's what she does. She did that to me, she did it to you and she'll do it to the next person. What makes you think you're any different?"
"You don't know what you're talking about. You better not carry on or you and Zara can both get it from me."
"You can't do anything to me. And you can't do anything to Zara, she doesn't need to hear all this BS from you. So go back to that little hole you came from... unless you want a fight, which you don't."
"I'm not scared of you, which is why I'm not falling this trap. And this isn't over."
"Bye!"
Wow... Lilly!
"I know. Tell me how awesome that was because it felt awesome."
It was awesome, but what are you doing here aren't you supposed to be at Berkshire?
"Berkshire wasn't for me. Too many Samantha's. Besides, this is where my friends are."
Well, it's great to have you back. Can I ask you something?
"Go ahead"
Where did this change come from? You hardly ever spoke and now you're confronting people just like that.
"Things happened. I changed. Simple. I would prefer not to go into detail."
Well, whatever happened. It's brought out the best in you and thanks for standing up for me.
"That's what friends are for. I'll see you later."
See you.

2 Hours later

Well, the last 2 lessons were... underwhelming. But what did I expect? It's lunch now, I finally get to let my brain rest because it is fried. I have to put these books in my locker which by the way are SO HEAVY!
"I could help you with that"
No thanks, I got it.
"Zara, you have a broken arm."
Well done Sherl-... what do you want, Zack?
"I need to talk to you."
Well, I don't want to talk to you.
"I understand the last time we talked wasn't the best conversation."
No kidding. So why are you here?
"I just want to talk."
Sorry. Not this time. I'm done being used by you.
"Please. 2 minutes, that's all I'm asking for."
No.
"Don't be like this."
Why not... Zack. Like you said. We're not friends. You don't like me, you don't dislike me, you don't hate me and now... And as far as I know, I'm done with you, goodbye.

5 hours later
I've just got home and...tired. I spent 2 hours just studying in the library. All I want to do now is sleep but I can't. Today was hard enough, how am I meant to keep up.
______________________________
Denial
I know I was pushing myself way too hard but at that time I felt like I was being a "normal" teenager with "normal" problems. Whether it was being overwhelmed in school or handling boy trouble. It all felt normal to me.
I was drained on the first day but I still carried on anyway.