Zara:PTSD

I'm Okay

Friday, January 31
After school, I decided to come straight to the gym. It's been non stop studying and training, I don't want to fall behind in anything so I'm doing my best to be ahead of what I should be. My plan is to train for 2 hours and then I'm definitely going home.

2 hours later
I've done 2 hours but I have this rush within me and it does hurt get 1 more hour-
"Doesn't it?"
Oh God don't tell me you followed me here. Zack, how many times, I don't want to talk to you.
"As much as you think so highly of your self, I didn't follow you."
You didn't?
"No, your Mom's been trying to get a hold of you for hours and she's been calling everyone in our class. You didn't even tell her you were going to be here."
Why would she call you? She could've just called me.
"She would call you if your phone was switched on."
How did you find me?
"Where else would you be? All you do is come here, train for hours and then go home and disappear. No one even sees you anymore."
Yeah, well I have a match soon-
"In 6 months, does it kill to step back and let yourself live?"
Yes, it does, because even if I take one day off, I know that's going to throw me off and I don't need that extra pressure on myself so on the contrary, I have been living-
"Are you okay?"
... I'm ... fine. Just a little tired.
"Right, that's it, I'm taking you home."
I'm staying here.
"No this is where you listen to me. You need to rest. It's not healthy for you to be doing this to your self. You're at that point where if you stay here longer, you're going to faint. So I'm not leaving here until you come and get in the car."
Whatever.
15 minutes later
"Here's your house."
...........
"I hope you see what you've been doing to your self."
And I hope you know that it doesn't matter to me what you think.

_______________________________
No, I'm not
Another lie. I was not okay in any form. I had managed to slip into this phase where everything I did seemed reasonable. Concealing your emotions never help because at some point it becomes harder to hide and that's it... you explode and every little thing that's bothered you comes to light or it's clearly written on your face but your heart doesn't want to admit it.
This next part was my breaking point.