I waited {L.S}

2.0

I pulled at my sleeves and looked up. Kayla smiled, waiting for me to start. It was always like this, her waiting patiently until she realized, yet again, I didn't know where to start. Then she would prompt me with something, and I'd finally start talking.

"I miss them," I said before she could, gaining her attention. "But I don't want them to..."

I trailed off, trying to find my words. I found out that I tend to phrase things in ways I don't mean or that makes it more extreme than I mean. Kayla is good at making sure that's what I actually mean or if I do need to rephrase it.

She only hummed while waiting for my response. "I heard my mom saying she wants the old me back, but I don't know who that even is now. He-"

"Who?" Kayla asked. I sighed and chewed on my lip. "You're still giving Ken power when you don't say his name."

"He changed me," I continued saying, rubbing my arms. I wouldn't say his name. He didn't like the idea of us knowing his name, let alone saying it. "I was with him for six years. I don't even know if that Louis exists anymore."

"He probably doesn't," she told me truthfully. "But that doesn't mean that they're going to think you're just this. It means that, just like everyone else, you're going to grow and change. This is just a hiccup."

I took a deep breath. "But what if they don't like the person I become? Like... I have a lot of issues with being social, and all of them love going out and doing things."

"What scares you about meeting people?" Kayla tilted her head, making her shoulder-length hair look longer.

"When I was with him-"

"Ken," she corrected.

"-Everyone I met was bad news. I don't feel safe unless I'm by myself."

"Or with Harry," Kayla added slowly. "Wanna talk about Harry?"

"No," I said quickly, looking away from her eyes that always shifted colors. Today they were a grey color. Most of the time they were green or brown.

"I think we need to," she pushed, leaning forward in her chair. "I think you need to talk about that."

"No." I crossed my arms and continued to stare at the wall behind her.

Kayla sighed. "Louis," she said softly. "No one knows what's said in here. I do not have to tell the police anything you say."

"I didn't-" I shut my mouth and closed my eyes. "I didn't try to kill him."

"Then tell me what happened. I have a hard time believing you could have hurt him at all, Louis. We can get this cleared up, but you need to talk to me."

"I did say what happened. It's the exact reason I'm here right now. He did it. But no one wants to believe me. He escaped prison, then a few days later, Harry gets hurt and it's my fault!"

Something about my answer surprised her. Kayla set down her clipboard, her eyes never leaving me. "How did you find out Ken-"

"I saw him! I saw him," I tried to blink away the tears and shook my head when they continued to fall. "I saw him in my house."

"What did he do?"

"T-tried to take me again, l-like he said he would. Harry... fought back and he hurt Harry, then ran off. He's not going to leave me alone. I can't be normal." Not when I knew that he was around every corner. 

"Why didn't you tell anyone this? Your report just said you saw him for a second like you imagined it. This changes things, Louis." She was scribbling things down on her clipboard like her life depended on it. 

"Harry's still asleep. Or in a coma or whatever. Whatever he says is important, and I don't want him to say my sides right just because he doesn't want me where ever. I want him to actually remember-"

"What you say matters too," Kayla argued. "You're not irrelevant in the situation Louis. This is actually all about you."

I shrugged. "I wanna go home."

Kayla stood up and left the room. When the door shut, I turned around, shocked. She normally never leaves me alone. No one's supposed to leave me alone. I'm considered high-risk.

I looked around the therapy office and saw a stack of books. Knowing Kayla wouldn't be mad if I chose one, I stood up and walked over, my finger brushing against the spines of the books.

"Louis," Kayla said suddenly. I spun around and took a deep breath when I realized it was her. "Come on."

"What?" I asked, standing in the same spot.

"Trust me. Come on." She had a smile on her face and nodded for me to follow her. I walked towards her carefully, and she handed me my normal clothes. "Go change in the bathroom."

"Am I-?"

Kayla nodded. "I'll tell you all about it in the car, alright? But we're stopping somewhere first."

I walked to the bathroom and looked at her for a few seconds before stepping inside and shutting the door. I changed out of the light blue scrubs into basketball shorts and a t-shirt, then slipped on a pair of shoes. I folded the scrubs and carried them out of the room, handing them to Kayla.

After she dropped them off, I followed her to her car and got in the passenger side, taking a deep breath.

"Okay, so you're still going to see me twice a week," Kayla started to explain as she drove, "but it'll be really flexible. And if you want to see me more than that, we can arrange that as well."

I nodded my head. "Okay."

"I want you to try talking. I'll explain that no one should expect it at anytime, and that not everything you do needs to be monitored. You must want to feel like a normal teen. But you can't go back to shutting down. You're an amazing kid, and it's time you stopped keeping it to yourself."

I nodded. I already felt like I had to hide when I was kidnapped, I didn't need to let anything else bug me.