I waited {L.S}

4.4

Harry held my hand in the car. "I promise, we won't let go the whole time, okay?"

I stared at the building. "I got taken here, I don't know-"

"If you can't, it's fine, Louis. I'm not forcing you to either way." Harry was smiling softly. "This is a when you're ready, type of thing. No one can force this on you."

I stared at the store for a few more seconds, Harry squeezing my hand gently. "Okay." I let go of a deep breath and nodded. "I'm ready."

Harry smiled and let go of my hand long enough to get out the the car and meet me at the back of it before grabbing my hand again and lacing our fingers.

He kept my close as we entered the store. "We can leave whenever, okay?" He reminded me softly when I squeezed his hand.

"I think... I'm okay," I whispered. We made our way through the store, but I'm the back was the toy section. The second I saw it, my throat tightened. I stopped walking and held onto Harry's hand tightly while staring at it.

"Louis, hey, hey," Harry said softly until he had my attention instead. "Come on, baby. You did great, okay?"

"He said I was lost, that he would help me," I whispered, looking down. "Why did-"

"Louis, it's okay. It's not going to happen again, I promise. Let's go, though, you'll feel better."

I followed Harry very closely until we got to the front. I paused right before we left because it felt like someone was watching me. I dismissed it quickly as we walked to his car and got in.

"You did great, Lou, I promise," Harry whispered. I leaned against the seat. "I already know what you're thinking."

"What? That I should be able to walk-"

"Yeah," Harry said over me. "That's what you think. I think that was a lot of progress, especially since we were in there for 20 minutes before you remembered anything. And there's nothing wrong with that. At all." He grabbed my chin and pulled me closer to him. I closed my eyes while he pressed our foreheads together. "Do you want to talk any of that out?"

"I was looking at toys, I was alone, too. My mom had just left me alone for a few minutes while Lottie showed her something. Not even two minutes later, Ken came up to me and told me that my mom was looking for me and saying I was lost. He lead me to like a back room and I don't remember anything after that."

Harry's hand moved to my cheek and he brushed his thumb back and forth. "Hey, think of it this way. Until you're ready to go back there, you can still go in the store. You did just fine everywhere else."

"I just don't want to be scared, anymore," I sighed. Harry kissed me then, brushing his fingers through my hair.

"It's okay to be scared. Guess what? Normal people get just as much anxiety doing some of this stuff as you do, and they don't even know why. At least you know why, and we can help you get over that." I opened my eyes and Harry had a soft smile on his face. "You're doing amazing, Lou. I love you."

"I love you, too," I responded. "Thank you."

"Always, love. Always."

*-*-*
"Where is he?" I heard someone ask. I curled in on myself more and pushed myself further back.

Someone mumbled where I was and I stopped breathing. "No," I whimpered.

"Louis," a voice sang out. "Baby, it's Hazza. Will you come out, please?"

I shook my head. It wasn't Harry. Harry left me. He left me.

"Louis, come out, baby. I don't want to scare you."

I peaked my head out of the small space I found myself in and Harry was looking around. I snapped back to reality and got out of the space before walking over to him. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I leaned into his shoulder.

"Don't be. Panic attacks happen, and they'll throw you into a headspace. I wasn't going to stomp around and pull out out because that wouldn't have helped. Don't worry, though. They know about all of this, though. You can come home if you want to, baby."

I nodded. "Let me talk to them," I whispered as he hugged me. Harry walked back to the front and I walked to the managers office. "Hey, I'm sorry-"

"Louis, love," Shelby, my boss, said softly. "It's trauma. I've been through it myself. You run and hide, you don't try to fight, so I don't have reason to do anything, alright? If you feel one coming on, tell the shift leader and even if they say no, and I do not care how busy or slow it is, you go to the back and you calm down. That's from me, understood?"

I nodded. "Thank you. Um... Harry said I could leave with him..."

"Yes, you can. Go ahead and clock out, we'll be fine." She gave me another smile. "You're strong, and when you manage to finish the battle with all of this, it's gonna be so easy for you. It seems hard and pointless now, but it'll get easier."

"Thank you," I whispered as I walked out. I clocked out and went to Harry's car, sinking down into my seat. "They're not firing me," I told him without moving my gaze.

"Yeah?" Harry asked.

"Maybe I should quit. They just feel bad, that's the only reason she's not firing me."

"No, let's not do that," Harry said softly. "If they didn't want you there, they'd fire you, Louis. If they're not firing you, they don't want to lose you. This was your first freak out in how long?"

"Three months," I mumbled.

"Exactly. Three months. That's a huge step. And panic attacks to not mean you're worth less than anyone else. You just need more support sometimes."

I shrugged. "It just feels like it's more work to have me around. I hate that."

"I won't lie, it is a little more work to make sure you're comfortable, to make sure you're safe. But when you have people who care about you around, it shouldn't matter. I'd do anything for you and I hope you know that."

"I do," I whispered. "Do you love me?"

"Always," he answered. "I love you very much."

"And you're not just saying that?" I asked, picking at my jeans. "Right? Because I love you and I really don't know what I would do without you."

"I'm not just saying it. I love you, Louis. I always will. It's always you."

I walked inside and Harry dragged me to my bedroom before closing the door and kissing me. He picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, holding onto me. "Don't drop me, please," I mumbled.

"I won't. I never have before." He sat down on my bed and kept me on his lap as he kissed me. "I love you."

"I love you," I sighed, putting my face in his neck for a few seconds. "I'm getting better, right?"

"I know you want to knit pick yourself, but don't. Every single day, you're getting better. And you can't even tell how much better you're getting without those bad days, okay? So please, please, just let the days go on. Because soon you'll be the one who sees it all. The progress will be amazing. So just let it all happen."

I nodded and molded myself into Harry. He kissed the side of my head before he tsngked his hand in my hair. "Can we take a nap?" I asked, my eyes heavy.

"Sure, let's get you changed, first." I groaned but got up and changed into sweats and a shirt before falling into the bed besides Harry. "Good night, Louis."

"Good night," I mumbled back, already closing my eyes.