NadechYaya: Lighthouse

Ha (5)

Nadech 

"Mark, for the hundredth time, I'm telling you again. I don't want this hospital, there are tons of hospitals in the country, let's just go to one of the others." I slump on the passenger's seat while Mark takes control of the wheel. 

I don't know how he managed to break in my house, but he definitely wasn't someone I was too happy waking up to. The man basically dragged me out the door. 

"Yeah, but this one has the best facilities. So, we're going to this one and I don't care what you say. Get your head out of your ass." He keeps his eyes on the road, focused on driving us to the hospital. I huff out a defeated breath and looked out the window. There was no way I was escaping this.

Unless, I jump out of the car---which is very ill-advised.

Mark insists we go check on hospitals for future references, and I honestly have no problem with it. The problem was, the hospital he wanted to bring me to, was the hospital Yaya was working at. 

He's doing this as if it doesn't make everything much more complicated than it already is. 

In the totality of the six years that I've been away, I only ever got to dream of the moment I'd ever set eyes on her again. Leaving was probably one of most painful things I've ever felt, if not the most. But, I loved her, and it was a price I had to pay if I wanted to make her happy.

Even if it meant I wasn't.

All those years, I prayed and hoped that she was indeed happy away from me. I wanted to believe that it was all worth it, to somehow make myself feel better. 

When I decided to cross the seas and come back, my only goal was to give justice to my theories. I wanted to see her smile from a mile away. I wanted to see her laugh with the presence of others. I wanted to see her wearing her lab coat, the symbol of her hard earned success. 

I wanted to see her happy.

Without me, even if it hurt. 

But not too long after I step foot back in my homeland, the universe whisks me back to her. 

And not in a million years did I ever thought that I would get to be blessed by her presence once again. To hear her voice, to inhale her scent, to be close enough to touch her. To be able to have her in my arms again. 

What happened in the forest was a surprise for me as well. I didn't know I had that pent up anger in me, I didn't know I wanted to say those words to her. But I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I finally said all of those out, even if it caused my heart to ache. 

Seeing her crying that much, made me feel like my heart was crumbling for hers. I tried to walk away, but I couldn't. There was a force that insistently pulled to her direction. I couldn't bear seeing her that way. As much as I resisted, I couldn't stop myself from going near her, to comfort her, to bring her the calm she needed. To protect her. 

As soon as I my skin met hers, I knew that, that was it. She got me captured and I wasn't sure if I was capable of getting out.

I knew once she draws me back in, it's going to be impossible to pull back out. 

And it terrified me. 

As much I want it all, at this point it was quite impossible. We're bound to get hurt at the end, especially her. And I can't do that to her. I can't hurt her. I don't want to hurt her. 

But the universe seems to think the other way. It keeps throwing her my direction, as much as I want to throw her back, I am seemingly unable to do so. My brain tells me to, but my heart, my body and my soul says otherwise. And you can never really win over those three.