NadechYaya: Lighthouse

Gao (9)

Yaya

"Bear, take me away with you. My mom's going to separate us. She's going to take me away from you!" I struggle to keep my breath stable as the vicious tears flood my face. I tightly grip on his shirt, holding on it like my life depended on it.

"Hey, hey. Sssh. Calm down." He holds my shoulders, squeezing my arms as he tries to hush me. My tears continue to flow, my breathing getting more labored as I continue to fist his shirt. My arms cling onto his neck, hugging him impossibly closer and tighter. "Baby, I'm here. I'm here." My sobs just get louder and louder as I have him close to me as possible.

"They're going to take me away. I don't want to leave you!" I continuously shake my head while he constantly rubs my back, his other hand on the back of my head. "I'm right here." I push myself against him, staring straight at him.

"Please, don't let them break us apart. Take me away, take me with you. I don't want to lose you." My voice cracks, following a series of loud sobs. He pulls me in a tight hug, wrapping me with his warmth. "Sshh, they'd have to walk over my dead body before they can bring us apart." He cups my face, bringing it closer to his. Our gazes stay connected, our nose subtly brushing against each other. "You won't lose me and I won't lose you too." He hugs me impossibly tighter, pressing a kiss on top of my head.

"Room 501 for us, and room 505 for you guys." Mark tosses the key towards Nadech whom he expertly catches with one hand.

"Come on." He takes my luggage from me and traps my hand in his as he guides me to the elevator, following Mark and Kim ahead of us.

We were in a hotel in Phuket for a five day vacation and I couldn't be more ecstatic about it. Being in the line of work I am in, I don't get vacations like this as often as I wanted to. Not that I can't, but I don't really have anyone to go with and I'm pretty much piled up with work. Also, leaving a chuckload of patients who depended on you to live didn't really sit quite well with my guilt.

Most of the time I was trapped within the four walls of the hospital. I'm not complaining or anything, I mean, I love my job, but from time to time it's nice to at least get some air to breathe. The hospital isn't exactly a place full of splendor and joy. It was an asylum of many emotions, most of it on the blue side of the spectrum.

Hearing all the stories, good and bad, from the patients are so heavy to carry around. Watching them fight in their battle to live is hard, and sometimes patients become so dear to you that part of their struggle slowly becomes yours as well. The hardest part is seeing them lose the fight, letting them go is always a challenge. Especially the good ones.

The connection doesn't end with just the patients, somehow you also get involved with the patient's family. You start to become one of their pillars, the person they depend on to keep their family whole. And sometimes, you ached more for the ones left behind. Because it's always them who gets the hard end of the stick, it's them who has to see the aftermath of the turmoil from the battle. They have to live with the loss, and in most cases it's the hardest journey to face---living in a world without the one you love.

The hospital is where a roller coaster of emotion breeds, and sometimes it fills up your cup.

But a person can only take in too much, right? Sometimes our cup just gets too full and we can't hold them all in anymore. Our emotions play too much with us and just wears us out. That's why a little trip like this is quite nice. It's nice to relax and breathe for a bit. To unwind and just clear your head. Everybody needs a break and be happy for a while.

This trip is definitely a well needed one.

To top that, I was going to spend it with Nadech and I couldn't be more happier with that.