cameron boyce imagines

8 Letters

you know me the best
i've known y/n for almost 11 years of my life, we met on the set of grownups. we became best friends, and she moved in next door. she knows how to make me my happiest
you know my worst
i slumped down on my bed, and yelled into my pillow. y/n was sitting on my bed, on her phone. "cam?" she asks, popping over to my side, rubbing my back. "what's wrong?" she says, patting my head. "a lot," i say, sitting up.
see me hurt
she looks at me, very confused. "i feel like i'm losing myself, i don't have control anymore. i can't get it back,"
but you don't judge
"what don't you have control over?" she asks, not judging the way i was feeling. "my emotions, my heart, my head,"
that right there is the scariest feeling
"well," she starts, laying her head on my shoulder, "your emotions are just that, yours. listen to your heart. everyone says listen to your head, but if your hearts not in the right place, neither is your head." she says, "i've got your back, cameron."
opening and closing up again
after that, i didn't speak to her. i knew where my heart was, i knew who it belonged to. but she didn't know that she had it in her hands. i didn't want to ruin our friendship, so i backed up, trying not to be too obvious with my feelings, which just hurt me. and made her doubt herself.
i've been hurt so i don't trust
more than one person has had this effect on me, but she was the strongest one. she had the most pull. i don't want to be hurt, so i don't give her the chance to get my trust again.
now here we are staring at the ceiling
i invited her over for the first time in months, and she was so happy to see me again. we laid on my bed, tv on whatever we had for background sound. we caught up, but it hurt me not to be honest.

i've said those words before
i knew this was my time. my time to say those words, but every other time i've said them i thought i meant them..
but it was a lie
i know that this isn't a lie. i don't understand how my feelings kept themselves hidden so well for so long.
and you deserve to hear them a thousand times
she doesn't deserve to be lied to. she needs to know how i feel
if all it is is 8 letters, why is it so hard to say?
why am i stuttering? i can't get them out.
if all it is is 8 letters, why am i in my own way?
"cameron? what are you thinking?" she says, but i only mumble "nothing,"
why do i pull you close and then ask you for space?
"well, i'm going to go," y/n says, sitting up off of my shoulder, grabbing her shoes and leaving my room.
if all it is is 8 letters, why is it so hard to say?
i lost my chance, yet again.

isn't it amazing
we were in the car, in the backseat. windows down, music up, moods flying high as we were headed to the amusement park.
how almost every line on our hands align
we screeched the lyrics to our song and aligned our hands again. laughing the whole time, as my hands had gotten so much bigger than hers.
when your hands in mine
my cheeks burned a shade of red as she intertwined our hands pretending it was a microphone to sing into.
it's almost like i'm whole again
a part of my heart that i didn't know existed fluttered.
isn't that a sign?
my head and heart connected in that moment and i knew exactly what i had to do, say and obtain. y/n.
i should speak my mind
i couldn't formulate the words. they wouldn't come out in that moment, but as i was in the past, i was sure id have more than enough of an opportunity to explain.