cameron boyce imagines

"ive got you."

katy's perspective

i rush into the house and slam the door behind me. alone. that's all i want to be. i don't want him running in here, trying to calm me down, make me walk away, any of it.

i need to be by myself for a little while. and he won't understand that. for a long time.

you see, cameron doesn't think like i do. i want to be alone when i'm upset. i don't went to make him upset by my problems, because they're mine, not his.

but do we ever know cameron to stop and follow directions? never. he thinks that if he's here, that i'm automatically stronger than i am, well, that doesn't work.

today was it. i was done, i was anxious, i was tired. part of my journal got leaked. and in which, i talked about my feelings.

feelings for cameron, feelings about the hatred for the popular girls. feelings of sadness on many subjects, i could go on.

i sit in my room and take a deep breath; what cam tells me to do. but it doesn't work. my breathing starts becoming quick and short. my hands get sweaty, my eyes become blurry.

i start crying, for more than one reason, one i knew that he was going to come up here, two because i felt weak.

i feel weak when my emotions slip up, i feel saddened and confused because i know i'm not weak. i know i've been through worse.

the tears don't stop, but the feeling of my legs do. i slip to the floor and continue breathing hard.

"katy!?" cameron yells and i try to reply, but nothing comes out. not a word. just mumbles.

i can't see anything, my vision is black, my hands are wet, my legs are numb.

i feel him dart up the stairs, and he groans, he doesn't know what room i'm in, thank the lord.

he pounds on each of the doors in the hallway until he hears my little whimper, and he rushes into the room.

"katy?" he frowns, he sees me crying.

"don't even start with the lecture." i say and just throw my arms around him and put my head in his chest.

he runs his hand through my hair, and tries to calm me down, to no avail.

"katy, please." he pleas, "just talk to me."

"everything's gone to shit." i blurt, "school, i'm practically failing all my classes. my group project sucks. my sports are going horrible and everyone hates me. and i'm in love with my best friend!"

"shh.. i've got you." he coos.

after about twenty minutes of me sobbing and shaking and doubting, i finally calm down. then i realize what i've said and then start panicking again.

"woah woah woah!" he whispers.

"what cameron? can't you see that i'm a fool! i don't even know why i'm still here!"

"kat," he puts his hand on mine as i try to not get up and race around the room. "ifs okay."

"cameron don't tell me what's okay and what's not! you don't live with the crazy inside my head. you don't understand how scared i am for every single interaction with you."

"why?" he asks, getting offended.

"cause it very well could be my last!"

"you don't mean that," he says, "you're just scared that you'd hurt me."

"damn right! i know how sensitive you can be, and you know how easy it is to set me off into an attack," i scramble for words. "i just wish i didn't love you!"

"what." he flatly mumbles.

"i didn't mean that."

"which part?"

my breathing starts getting uneasy again. i feel my heartbeat in my ears and feel it in my eyes. holy shit. this is the end. isn't it? if this is a nightmare, wake me up now. if this is real life, take me now.

"katy!" he shouts.

"i don't know what to do, cam." i cry.

"what do you mean? first you love me, now you wish you didn't and now you don't know what to do?"

"i just don't want to lose you."

"me either," he says, "but i would never tell you that i wished i didn't love you."

"because you don't love me the same way i love you."

"katy," he shakes his head. "i love you the way the sun shines across the globe everyday. i love you the way the rain glistens in the sunshine to let us see color. i love you the way you are, and nothing's ever going to change that."

"wow."

"i love you more than myself, kat."

"i-i love you, too." i cry.

he pulls me up from my ball on the floor, and wraps me in a bear hug. i take a deep whiff in of his shirt, which smells amazing. i put my head on his shoulder, which feels so much more supportive than it did fifteen minutes ago. i run my hand down his arm and into his hand which he holds out.

we start slow dancing.. around my bedroom floor. what a way to calm someone down, cameron.

i take my head off of his shoulder and i look into his chocolate brown eyes. i smile as i see his pupils dilate. we kiss, we dance, we love.