Partner in crime-liskook

22- terrify

"What are you doing? Jungkook let go of me,"
I yelled at him as he dragged me to his car. He opened the door and pushed me down on the seat before slamming it shut again.

He hurried over to his seat and sped out of the parking lot.

"Stop ignoring me Jungkook, Answer me," I continued to say that for the almost the whole ride home. He drove in almost full speed and I was honestly afraid he would crash the car.

I didn't bother saying anything else to him, he only got more angry at my voice. I could see his knuckles on the steering wheel turning white every time I spoke.

Once we got into the house he immediately grabbed my waist and slammed me into the wall in so much force my back ached. I looked at him with wide eyes and trembling lips. I have never seen him like this before. I haven't even done anything wrong.

"You fûcking told him too?" He yelled at me.

"Calm down," I spoke carefully.

"You just can't keep your mouth shut about anything. What did he tell you," he said still holding me firmly in place.

"N-nothing please calm down," he held me up on the wall so high my toes was just nearly meeting the ground. I never thought he would do that to me.

"What did he say?" He asked me more calmly.

"He told me to be careful around and asked me if I really felt safe with you. Now I'm starting to wonder if I am safe with you!" I was trying to keep my tears in but he really frightened me. I wanted him to let go of me and rather talk to me in a mature and calm way like adults do.

He finally let me down after I said that, but still had his furrowed eyebrows and angry expression.

"And he wanted be to be sure that you love me, that you weren't just fooling me," my voice cracked and I put my hands over my face.

"Get out," He said.

I pulled my hands away and looked at him stunned.

"W-What?" He couldn't kick me out of my own house. Our house.

"I said get out!" He yelled, nearly screamed at me.

I quickly turned around and ran out of the house.
Normally I would t just leave when someone is angry and asks me to go, but right now I think it was the best thing to do. I didn't feel safe around him anymore, i was too scared to say anything more to him so I bolted away.

"What the hell? He kicked you out?"
Jennie asked me. Right after I left the house, I called Jennie to pick me up because I didn't drive my own car. I walked outside on the road before I figured I should call someone. Right now we were sitting and talking in the kitchen, these girls has become the only people I can say I get along with except for Jungkook. As I said before, I don't expect to get friends but they are incredibly nice to me so far.

Jennie said Rosé and Jisoo were out shopping because bangtan were coming over tonight. They apparently have their own mission to plan together so they are going to discuss over dinner and a movie night.
I can't be a part of the discussion, so by then I'll have to go somewhere else.

"Yeah he did, he was really mad and I think he just needed some time to collect himself," I said.

Jennie looked at me apologetic. "Lisa you shouldn't defend him when he hurt you. Angry or not, he shouldn't be so harsh that you had to get kicked out. It's your house too, you should be the one asking him to leave."

I didn't tell her the part where he pushed me up against the wall or the way he scared the shit out of me. I really didn't want to mend in and defend myself to him when he was that angry, it could only make it worse. The only time I saw him this mad was when he mistakenly took me as a spy, but this time was different. Nothing big happened for him to get so mad at me, at least not that I know of.

This is what I'm talking about when I say I don't know what kind of person he is. He knows my past, he knows my parents and what happened to them, he knows my entire life and trauma. He knows what triggers me and what makes me laugh. Did he have any trauma? What about his parents? They are dead, aren't they? I only know he has a brother doing some shady business, but he doesn't want me to know more about that either. I don't know how he was before I met him. How did he work alone, and how can he be able to kill so many humans? They say he is the best, the most famous agent in the secret agent world. But his real identity is hidden, even from me.

If this relationship is going to work, I need to know who he is, not just love him. I want to say that I love him for who he is as a person, but I don't really know him, other than when he spends time with me. But that is just a little part of him.

Jennie drove me home again and I was nervous to see him. When I came into the house, the scenery shocked me. Furniture ruined and big holes in the walls. Our glass table in the living room crushed and broke bourbon on the floor.

It was quiet, too quiet.

It was late so I figured I should take an early night and go to bed at 8 pm. I went to Jungkooks bedroom because that is where we both have been sleeping for as long as I can remember now. The room wasn't as bad as it was downstairs, but he had pulled out the drawers and thrown the clothes on the floor. My panties and bra even, all of our clothes. It looked like a complete mess, and I'm sure I would be the one cleaning it up too.

Jungkook was there, asleep on the bed, with a glass of some kind of alcohol in his handgrip.

I went to the bathroom and at least everything there looked normal, I took a shower and jumped into one of his shirts.

I jumped in my spot when I saw him leaning on the doorframe to the bathroom.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you.." he said.

He looked devastated, messy hair, puffy eyes, he looked miserable.

"You didn't," I said and walked to the bed.

"Yes I did," he said following me.

"Are we talking about what happened right now or earlier today?" I asked him.

"Both? I am so sorry.. I didn't mean to scare you, I didn't mean to kick you out. I just, it's just, you are so.. I don't know, I've never had anyone like you, I mean."

He took a long break to collect his mind before taking my hands in his.

"Baby you terrify me. I kill people, I have secrets, dark secrets, I can't even count how many times I've been close to death, or how many times someone has ruined everything I have. But nothing of that did ever scare me as much as you.... you get stabbed and I lost it, I imagined you dead in my arms. The danger I'm about to put you through with us being together. You are the only thing that terrifies me. Losing you... I can't even think about that."

He took my cheeks and looked into my already tears eyes.

"I don't know you, Jungkook. I need to know about your life, how it was and who you really are." I said unable to keep in some tears.

"I know, and I'm going to tell you everything, but I'm afraid you won't understand a part of it, or all of it.
I'm not who you want me to be. I have had people in the past betray me, people stabbing my back for their own good, but that didn't break me. When I tell you about my life, you can't go against me, you can't betray me and leave me because of who I really am. I know that is selfish of me to say. I wouldn't care if  it was any other person, but you can't leave me. Not you."

"You terrify me, Lisa."