love in my lyrics (jongtae fanfic)

The healing process

Taemin p.o.v

"When did I get so skinny?" I thought to myself. I put on a jumper and walked to the kitchen and sat at the table. Key was making breakfast "finally woken up huh? I'm sorry about last night..." his words trailing off as he looked at me. "Taemin?" Was all that escaped his lips before he hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry" I said and he hugged me tighter "don't be sorry" he breathed.

He hugged for a long time and then key got up "now what do you want for breakfast I will make you anything you want" he just smiled waiting for my answer. I forced a smile "pancakes and bacon" I said and he laughed and started cooking.

"Key we have a guest?" Minho said his eyes still closed as he rubbed his bed hair. Once his eyes opened they went wide and he ran to me hugging me tightly "why is everyone hugging me? I'm must be so huggable" I laughed and minho just stared at me. I smiled and he seemed non convinced that I was okay and I turned to key "hurry up I'm hungry" I complained.

"Food?" Onew questioned. He sat down beside me and smiled to me "we were waiting for you" he said and in that moment it felt like my freshly made wall was beginning to crack and crumble. I smiled "thank you for waiting for me" and he turned to me "I think it was worth the wait" he smiled at me but there was a serious look in his eyes.

Key placed the food infront of us and I ate to my hearts content stuffing all the food I could get into me which was little as my stomach had shrunken but I continued to eat my normal portion so that they wouldn't worry.

Minho looked at his watch "we have to get to work let's go" he said and everyone disbursed getting ready and hurriedly left the house. They said good bye and key hugged me telling me to stay at home and I just nodded and smiled.

Once the door slammed shut I ran to the bathroom throwing up the contents of my breakfast. I turned to look in the mirror. My cheeks standing out I looked anorexic.

I walked into the kitchen and I looked at the remaining pancakes and bacon. I pushed it onto a plate and slowly took one bite every ten minutes.

It took me about about 2 hours to finish the food. "I want banana milk" I grumbled and pushed myself off the chair. I put my jacket on and I took the spare apartment key and I walked to the shop.

Grabbing a cartoon of banana milk I looked at all the sweets. Grabbing as many that would make me gain weight I took them and went to the counter.

"Hello sir" a young smiled. "Hi" I smiled. She blushed slightly and started to pack all the items "so that will be $10" she said. I smiled "here you go" i flashed a smile again. She smiled and placed an extra chocolate bar in my bag "here take this it isn't much but I would rather you eat it than me" she said. "Thank you" I said "I will be back soon maybe next I will give you something" I smiled. She blushed and said goodbye and I did the same.

Walking back I got back into the house and sat on the sofa switching on the TV. Boredom creeping up me I ate away the hours and I sighed.

"Now this is depressing" jonghyun said. "You can't say that you are a figment of my imagination" I sighed changing channels.

"Exactly I am part of your imagination and I still find it depressing" he said sitting on the sofa. "And what should I do then?" I asked sarcastically. "I don't know but maybe something dramatic" he smiled. I looked at him "what like run to America and find you and tell you how much I love you" i said. He nodded "sounds good" he smiled. "You already know how much I love you but it still wasn't enough to stop you leaving " I said. "Taemin it wasn't like that" he said frowning. "What was it!" I shouted and stood up. "Look at me I'm crazy" i said ruffling my hair "I'm taking to thin air your not even here! Where are you! Where were you!" I shouted. I was breathing heavily now and I just sat back on the sofa eating away my anger and sorrows.

I wasn't enough that he was gone out my life but even when he was gone he was still here. Everytime I looked at my lips I thought of our first kiss. Everytime I listened to the radio I was reminded of you singing. Everytime did something I was reminded.

You visited me in my dream and even day I would imagine you there sitting with me. I missed that hurt and I knew you were only hours away but still I missed you.

"You still angry ?" Jonghyun said edging into the room. I sighed "how can I be angry with my imagination" I said putted my feet down. He sat where they were "love ya" he smiled. "I'm not that crazy" i said. He just looked at me and smiled widely "you sure?". I shook my head "nope" and we laughed.

"What are we watching?" He asked. "No its what am I watching" I said "and it the walking dead" I added. He smiled "my favourite TV programme" he said sitting excitedly. Tears run down my face, it was amazing well I could remember jonghyun. The way he sits, the way he smiles, the way he can't sit still. "I love you" I said reaching out but he just disappeared. I sobbed "you left... me again".

A searing pain started to burn it's way into my head and I woke up sweat running down my face I looked up. "Just a dream" I breathed.

"Um taemin?" Key said. "Yes?" I said. He walked through the door "who were you taking to?" He asked. I smiled "just a dream" I said. "You hungry?" He asked. I looked down at the wrappers and then I smiled "maybe some ice cream?"I smiled and he lifted up his keys "let's go". Smiling I pushed myself off the sofa and discarded the wrapper discreetly.

I looked at myself in the mirror by the hall way "you can do this" i told myself and walked to the car where key was.

"You okay?" He asked. I smiled. "Yeah I'm okay ".

I wasn't though.... I really wasn't.