The Devil's Love-Ridden Abuse II POETRY Second Edition

080

it's been 117 days
but last night
a child I babysit
asked if I would read my poems to her
I was hesitant
because the last person I read these aloud to
was you baby
and when I did, you said to get these published

I read to her the poem she chose
the one of winter just a couple pages back
I felt my throat tighten
but I continued reading to her
and when I finished,
she was half asleep
and asking what it was about
I stuttered out my answer
I haven't said it aloud in so long

I carried her to bed and tucked her in
she grabbed my wrist when I went to leave
I sat with her and ran my fingertips
over her forearm like I did with you

but now I was alone
stuck with my thoughts
ones I hadn't confronted about you

it was Hell and Death
my breath left me and came in flashes
I started to shake and tremble
and when I just stared in front of me
I felt everything and nothing
I felt the emptiness inside of me
but I felt the rage and love I still have for you
you did me fucking wrong
and you know it Devil

and those 2 in love with me,
they told me I was okay
but I wasn't, I'm still not okay
he called me and got me breathing right
she told me courageous things
she kept me from lying in the middle of the road
just waiting for a car

I thought that I was over this
I was so sure of it
but last night proved me so fucking wrong
and to make it better
I know you don't fucking think of me
you don't miss me
you don't care about anything to do with me
not even a ceremony 6 ft below
or a visit with beeping monitors and IVs

and I still wake in panic attacks,
frantic and delusional
because I got a bad feeling
that something happened to you

Devil, put me in Hell
but baby, put me out of my misery
turn my demons to angels once again
turn this violence to silence

save me from myself without you