atelophobia • {HP universe} (BOOK 1)

~ eight ~

Lily had been pretty content for awhile. She had gotten closer with Pansy, Draco, Blaise Zambini, Daphne Greengrass, Harry, Ron, and Hermione. She had also gotten closer with her other roommate, Rosemary Rootley. Currently, she was walking to lunch with Pansy and Daphne. Lily took a mental note of the fact that Snape asked her to come to his classroom at some point during lunch that day to speak.

"Honestly, I'm shocked they still let Crabbe roam these halls." Pansy said. "He was absolutely foul to you."

"Yeah, I just hope for his sake that he tries not to cross me anymore. I hope he's learned by now that I'm not afraid to get a detention in order to shut him up." Lily responded, and her friends laughed.

"Boys are foul rats." Daphne said, earning lots of agreement from Lily and Pansy.

They entered the Great Hall, where they met up with Rosemary, then sat down.

Rosemary had a massive crush on someone, but she'd refused to say their name.

"Rose, if you don't spill whoever it is, I'm gonna explode!" Pansy complained.

Rosemary's cheeks flushed pink.

"Fine, I'll tell you who I like if you tell me who you like." Rosemary said, and continued to blush. Pansy fake gagged.

"Boys are for losers— oh, but like, not you Rose." Pansy replied.

As lunch appeared on the Slytherin table, Lily began shoveling down all sorts of food, knowing that she'd have to leave soon. She saw Snape stand up from the staff table, and he made eye contact with Lily before walking out of the room.

"Hey guys, I gotta go. See you in a bit." Lily said while still swallowing her food. Draco Malfoy looked up from beside her. She typically sat between Pansy and Draco, with Blaise Zambini across from her, Daphne next to Pansy, and Rose across from Pansy. Typically the girls didn't usually talk with the boys too much, but some days they would.

"Wait, Lily- where are you going?" Draco asked.

"Hell, most likely."

A Slytherin prefect looked up from his seat. "I've heard enough bad language come out of you, first year." He barked, then continued eating. Lily put her arms up in defense.

"No, seriously." Draco asked. Lily's lips slid into a smirk.

"Why does Draco Malfoy, president of the Liliana Star fan-club, always need to know where I'm going? Mystery is the best part of all friendships, dear Draco." Lily said, then slowly backed away and left for Snape's classroom.

Upon arrival, she was greeted with a stiff-looking Snape.

"Liliana." He stated as his daughter entered the room. "Why's your room always so dim? I can't see anything." Lily said dramatically, and squinted. Snape rolled his eyes.

"I thought since you seem to be so good at potions, as I was at your age, I wanted to know if you were good at some other things. Perhaps... Occlumency?" Severus said. There was slight mischief in his eyes and his smile, which gave Lily a sudden theory.

"I read about Occlumency, you know. In a book Hermione made me read. Why exactly, would I need to practice blocking people from using Legilimency on me?" Lily asked, talking a step closer to Severus. "Maybe it's not as much about me blocking people out for no reason, maybe it's about you, Severus, searching ya memories. Not a very father-like move, gotta admit." Lily said, then fake pouted, knowing she'd won this short battle.

"Plus, of course, I don't know why you'd feel the need to look through my memories, when there's nothing important to see. All these things that have been happening to me, I'm just an anxious person, I guess." Lily lied, and shrugged.

"Do you tell me lies because they sound better?" Snape asked. He looked directly into Lily's eyes, as if he was searching for an answer. She became slightly intimidated. So she rolled her eyes and looked away. "Yes." She replied. Snape sighed.

"Why must it be so difficult for you to trust people? Why must it be so difficult to trust me, your... your father?" Snape asked, but he said it in a tone as if he fully understood why not, and he fully understood Lily's feelings.

"Why's it so difficult for people to keep secrets and promises?" Lily wondered back. Snape looked like he was about to give up once again, but then Lily felt a pang of guilt.

"I'll tell you something about me if you tell me something about you." She said quickly, and Snape glared in her direction. His lips parted as if he wanted to say, 'That's not how this works,' but he remained silent.

"I understand what it feels like to grow up with bad... rather scary parental figures." Snape admitted. "I never said anything about Thorin being one of my foster parents!" Lily said in a defensive tone.

"You didn't have to— how dumb do you think I am? Also, I'm glad I know that it was this 'Thorin' person you'd mentioned, who was the problem. Now, you said you'd tell me something in return?" Snape said, regaining his composure that he'd slightly lost while revealing his hands own secret.

"I don't tell people things, because I don't want to burden them, and I don't want them to feel sorry for me. But most of all, I don't want to relive the memories, so I pretend it never happened. If I relive the memories, I might cry, and I haven't cried for years, not since I was with him." Lily admitted. This was much more then Severus thought he'd get. Once Lily started talking about it, she couldn't stop— and they scared her very, very much.

"Every minute I spend with you, I come to see how incredibly alike we are." Snape responded.
"Thank you, Liliana. You may go, by the way." Snape dismissed her with a wave of his fingers.

Lily hesitated for a moment, then moved forward and wrapped her arms around Severus. "I'm glad we're alike. I'll tell you when I'm ready, okay? But I may not be ready for a long time, you just have to wait." She mumbled as she pressed her cheek against her father's chest.

Before he could properly react, she left.

-

"Hermione, it sucks!" Lily complained as she paced the girls bathroom.

"It's hard for me to help you when I know so little about the situation." Hermione replied.

"There's something weighing down on my shoulders, as it has been since it happened. If I don't get over it soon, I'll never be happy. If someone doesn't help me get the right protection, I'll always be scared. I'm fighting a battle against myself and loosing, Hermione. Hogwarts and friends like you, and finding out my birth father is the best things that's ever happened to me. I should be so happy, but all I've realized my coming here, is that I'll always be sad, I can't be happy, I'll always be empty and numb, and I'll always be scared!" Lily ranted.

"Okay Lily, take deep breaths. In the least descriptive way possible, tell me why you're always sad."

"Because I keep having flashbacks, and I don't believe that the world contains good things anymore." Lily replied.

"In the least descriptive way possible, why are you scared?" She asked. Lily frowned.

"Because the last thing he'd ever said to me was that he'd find me, and get revenge."

"I believe slowly, in your own time, it is simply crucial that you tell Professor Snape what's going on, okay? Whatever it is, it sounds extremely serious. It's hard, but it'll be so easy after it's done." Hermione said. Lily smiled at her, then engulfed her into a hug.

"Hermione, you're the best. I mean really, it's so nice to talk about it without context." Lily sighed, then left the room.

-

There had been weird things happening at Hogwarts, and Lily knew it. First, the troll roaming the halls? Harry being knocked off his broom? (Ron later told Lily all about his theory about how it was 'evil Professor Snape'). She'd noticed Hermione, Ron, and Harry acting suspicious, but whenever she'd asked, and Ron and Hermione looked excited to answer, Harry would quickly interrupt them with, "Everything's fine, of course, Lily. Why wouldn't it be. Just remember to stay away from any trouble or harm, okay?"

Lily has more on her mind then just a haunting past, now. She needed to know what her friends were up to, too.