𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

it gets complicated

Benji's POV:

I take my time driving to school. I'm so nervous that I want to jump out of my own skin. What if Addy says no?

Why would she say no? She kissed me.

I try to steady my nerves before I get out of the car. I imagine kissing her again, and something about it feels wrong.

And then Jorge comes to mind. I wonder what his lips would feel like against mine. How my hands would feel against his curls. That soft skin-

I see Addy in the hallway. This is it. I'm not trying to turn myself straight. I'm just trying to distract myself from boys. That's all.

As I approach her, she waves in my direction.

"Morning, Benji." She yawns, smiling.

"Addy, I need to ask you something." My stomach twists.

"Sure, what is it?"

In this moment the guilt hits me like a tsunami. I like Addy, sure, but I don't love her. I'm lying to someone who actually cares about me. If I really loved her, I wouldn't do this to her.

I swallow and try to forget that I know this is wrong. I can't like boys. Maybe at the expense of Addy.

I meet her eyes. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Her eyes light up and she blinks her long lashes in disbelief.

"Y- Yes!" She pulls me in for a kiss.

Slightly uncomfortable, I pull out of the kiss first.

"I just had no idea you felt that way about me." She admits.

"I do. I have for a while." I lie.

She hugs me close, but her touch feels like guilt.

Jorge's POV:
Standing by my locker, across from Benji and Addy, I can't believe what I've just witnessed.

I want to scrub this memory from my brain. I want to erase myself from this life. I need to disappear.

I can't believe I ever entertained the idea of me and Benji. It's not possible. And now this is what I get for falling too fast. Hurt.

I should've seen this coming. Addy is perfect, and she clearly had a thing for Benji. But Cayman liked her... And it seemed like Benji cared about me.

I think about all the times Benji went out of his way to be kind to me. It feels like ripping off a bandage when I realize that his kindness was nothing more than- well- kindness. He's a nice guy. I wasn't special to him at all.

In english he won't even look me in the eye. And I don't want to look at him either. His chocolate eyes, which used to make my heart soar, now feel like a punch to the stomach.

I don't have a reason to be sad. He doesn't owe me his love. It just hurts so, so bad.

I steal a glance in Benji's direction, to see Addy's head resting on his shoulder. I feel sick.

I walk up to the teacher's desk and ask to use the bathroom. She hands me a pass and I hurry out of the room. I try not to cry as I walk down the hall, but the tears start to build up. The hallways become blurry as I push open the bathroom door and lock myself in a stall.

Once I'm sure no one is left in the bathroom, I let myself go and cry. My mind is a whirlwind and I'm completely swept up in it. But after some time I'm able to control my breathing and I unlock the stall door.

I see a boy standing in the doorway, looking flustered. He has short hair which he wears with a beanie, and a slight gap between his teeth. I've seen him before in my classes, I think his name is Syd.

"O- Oh my God." I back into the stall.

"No, no I'm sorry!" He waves his hands, walking towards me. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head and lock the stall door again. I want to die.

"No, come on man. What happened?" He pushes.

I sniffle in response. I don't want his sympathy.

"It's just us, Jorge. The two gaysss of the school." He laughs.

"H- How do you know that?" I stammered.

He laughs. "Your name, or your sexuality?" You've made both pretty obvious."

I redden in the face, before unlocking the stall door. He makes me mad, but I feel like I can trust him. Maybe.

"Why do you care?" I ask.

"I'm just trying to help you out. That's all." Syd says, backing away from the stall.

I walk out too, and look down at my shoes.

"Just boy problems." I murmur.

"Ah. Which boy?" Syd inquires.

Why is he being so nosy? I sigh. "Benji Krol."

"Oh shit. I've seen you hang out with him before. Were you guys together? Dumped?"

"That's just the thing," I begin. "We were never together. I just liked him, and now he's with Addy-"

"Jorge, I've seen the way Benji's looks at you. Other people have been talking about it too. He totally has a thing for you." Syd explains

"Then why is he with Addy?" I plead, my voice cracking when I say her name.

"Because he wants people off his trail about being into guys. He's Benji Krol, the football star. Not Benji Krol, the third gay of West High."

That's when Cayman walks in, his eyes also bleary. Probably over Addy, his crush, getting with Benji.

"Quit fucking in the bathrooms and get out." He snarls.

"Can I sit by you in Chemistry and lunch?" I ask Syd as we hurry out of the men's room.

Those are the times I would normally sit by Benji.

"Sure." He nods kindly.

Real Friend Counter: 1

I let out a gusty sigh and start to walk back to english, parting ways with Syd.

There was officially no hope for me and Benji Krol.