𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

do i love you?

Jorge's POV:

We pull into my driveway, and Benji helps me out of the car. I lean into him as we walk inside, the house still and quiet. My mom wouldn't be home until seven, and my brother was no where in sight.

Benji leads me to the couch where I sit, but he doesn't join me. He rustles around in my freezer.

"Do you guys have any ice packs?" He asks, his head buried among the various frozen foods.

"No." I lean my head on the back of the couch. My entire skull aches.

Benji settles with a bag of unthawed peas.

"Hold this here." He instructs, placing the bag on my head.

I obey, although the cold takes me aback at first.

"Are you hungry?" He asks.

"Dinner's up to us, you know." I grin, "We could go get food."

"We're not going anywhere when you're in this rough of shape, Jorge. You need to rest at home for a while."

I huff in disagreement, but I know he has a point. It looks... Bad.

"Does your mom know you're here?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "She thinks I'm at football, and I always go over to the guys' houses after, anyway."

That's right. For just a moment, I had forgotten that Benji was popular. And a jock. And pretty much the hottest junior guy.

How stereotypical.

With a yawn, I shut my eyes and lay down, the peas sliding off of my head.

"Let me help you." He smiles, which makes his eyes crinkle up.

He sits on the couch and pats his leg, directing me to lay my head there. Once i'm relaxed, he holds the peas against my curls.

"Thank you, Benji." I murmur, sleepily. I really am grateful.

"Is it too cold?"

The peas are most definitely too cold. But I don't want him to get up to go wrap them in a towel.

So instead, I mumble a simple "no", before drifting off.

Benji's POV:

As Jorge lies there with his head on my lap, I feel an urge to protect him. Had I walked him to his next class like I used to, this would've never happened.

It's the same feeling I got at the party when I discovered the trembling, overwhelmed boy caught up in the crowd.

But if I keep openly defending him, I think I might lose everyone else in my life. None of my friends want me to be with him. And my family was Catholic- They'd freak out if they found out I was gay. Or bi. Or whatever I am.

It pains me to look down at Jey Jey. He's tried his best to be good for me, he can't help that he's a boy. And that people don't think that's okay. Could I let go of all the memories we shared? I would be absolutely miserable without his bouncing curls and bright smile. The thought of leaving Jey Jey was bringing tears to my eyes, so I drop the subject from my mind.

Dating or not, he needs me right now. They really beat the shit out of him. I wish I had given them the same beating they gave poor Jorge, but I couldn't bring myself to do that much damage. I don't like hurting people.

I slide Jorge's head off of my lap, and stand up. I prop a pillow beneath his head in place of my leg. He groans sleepily, and I crack a smile.

"Go back to sleep, Jey." I smile, running a hand through his dark hair.

"I love you." He murmurs, sleep heavy in his voice.

My smile drops a little. I can't bring myself to answer him.

I search through Jorge's kitchen, looking for something to feed him. I dig a frozen pizza out of the freezer box. I put it in the oven, and begin writing a note to Jorge's mother.

I explain that I'm Jorge's friend, and that he got beat up and I gave him a ride. I let her know that, since his car was still in the parking lot, I would pick him up on the way to school.

I make sure to fill her in on all the details, because I'm worried about Jorge's memory.  I get concussions occasionally because of football, and I know they can sometimes make the day's events hazy and blurred. I don't want either of them confused or worried. I leave the note on the counter where she'll see it, and the kitchen timer goes off.

I pull the pizza out of the oven. I set it on the table next to the couch, with a plate.

It's five o'clock. I need to get going soon. I decide to let Jey sleep. He can eat when he wakes up.

I watch his chest rise and fall, his long lashes shut. I know it's kind of creepy to watch someone sleep, but I can't look away. I consider giving him a kiss on the forehead before I leave.

Stop getting so attached.

I turn my heel and grab my keys off of the the counter. The door squeals as I shut it, and I hope it doesn't wake up Jorge.

On my drive home I grip my steering wheel harder than usual, clenching my jaw. Why can't I just commit to something?

As soon as a relationship starts to go well, I get scared and back out. I did it to Addy too.

But it's just hard for me to give every piece of myself to someone else. Because what if they leave? I care about a Jorge so much.

Too much.

If I he left me, I don't know what I would do. It would kill me.

So maybe it would hurt less if I left first.

He agreed to be more than a friend. He came running to me when I was in trouble. He told me he loves me.

But do I really love him?

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