𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

september wind

Benji's POV:

It's a Saturday, meaning I have nowhere to be today. I pour myself a bowl of cereal, and my mom smiles warmly at me.

"Is Jorge coming down?" She's taken quite a liking to Jey.

My mom doesn't know the full story right now, only that Jey has a rough family life. She doesn't mind his presence, though, and often worries for him.

"No." I shake my head.

She gives me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, before leaving the dining room.

I wonder what she would say if I came out to her. I'm almost certain she would accept me- Though my dad might be a different story.

I haven't formally come out to anyone yet. Everyone at school knows about me and Jey, so I really have no need. But I do think it would be nice for my parents to know the truth.

But with Jey being so distant, I don't think now is the time.

I hear soft footsteps coming down the staircase. I recognize them as Jorge's. I offer him a gentle smile from the side of my mouth.

In return he gives me a small grin. Seeing him happy makes my heart feel fuzzy.

Under any other circumstances I would've held him in my arms or placed a docile kiss on his cheek. Instead, I sigh quietly, staring into his soft brown hues.

Jey notices my staring and twists his fingers in his lap- No doubt remembering our closeness last night.

Does he miss it? Or regret it? I'm not sure as I watch a light blush cross his cheeks.

"D- Do you want to go for a walk?" He looks at me, hopefully.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Let me clean this up." I motion toward my bowl.

Jorge's POV:

I need to explain everything to Benji. When he agrees to come with me for a walk, I take a deep breath.

It's going to be okay.

We step outside, the brisk September wind nipping our rosy cheeks. The smell of fall is dense in the air as the first leaves change to a dusty, pale orange.

Without realizing it, I begin to shiver. It's colder than I'd expected. Benji must hear the chattering of my teeth when he turns to me.

"Are you cold?" He asks.

"A little." I admit, not wanting to worry him.

If he makes us turn around, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to tell him. I need to do this now.

To my surprise, he yanks his big, gray hoodie over his shoulders. He holds it out to me, expectantly.

"Oh- No! You need that." I push it towards him. "Won't you get cold?"

Benji rolls his eyes, obviously amused. "Just take it." He laughs.

I accept it, gratefully. When I pull it over my head, I'm surprised by how baggy it is on me. I wave my arms a little, watching the long sleeves hang from my arms.

I direct my gaze upward, to see the biggest grin plastered across Benji's face.

"It looks so cute on you."

His words bring a bittersweet pain to my heart.

He thinks I'm cute.

I wish that fact didn't make me hate myself so much. Because otherwise, it would've been pretty endearing.

"I want to tell you about what happened. The night my mom saw us-" I can't bring myself to spit the rest of the sentence out of my mouth.

Understanding crosses his features as his lips form a tight smile.

"Okay." He nods, a silent direction to continue.

"First, she asked if you were my boyfriend."

He looks at me anxiously.

"I told her you were." I add, shakily. "And then she just told me to leave. She didn't say that she loved me. Or that she hated me. She just wanted me to go."

My heart aches as I replay the memory in my mind over and over again. I know it's coming, but it still cuts me open every time I hear her ask me to leave.

"The fact that she doesn't love me because I'm gay makes me feel-" I struggle to find the correct word.

"Gross?" Benji suggests.

"Yeah." I nod, my voice small. "I just feel gross about my own desires and body. So when someone touches me, I feel this- This guilt. And shame."

"You're a human being, Jey. Having human desires doesn't make you bad." Benji responds, his eyes locked with mine.

"But they are." I insist. "If they weren't bad she wouldn't have made me go."

"Touch." Benji brings a hand to my cheek.

"Is the contact of one thing-"

His thumb runs small circles underneath my chin.

"To another."

He smiles before continuing. "A brush of an arm is a completely different kind of touch than a kiss. But neither of them are bad. Maybe if we start with small touches, you'll be more comfortable with big ones."

A tingle runs down my spine. Benji's words echo in my head.

Human desires don't make you bad.

I fight it. They have to be bad. They are bad. I need my mom to love me again.

I wrench away from his touch.

"I can't do it." I whimper.

"Can't do what?" Benji asks, a softness in his tone.

"This."

"Jorge." My name in his mouth sounds so right. "You're not in this alone. I'll help you. And I'll wait for you. I don't want to rush you into anything. I want to help you."

When I meet Benji's gaze, I see a boy that I trust. The only person I'd ever want to touch me. His deep brown eyes draw me closer to him. He gives off an aura of warmth and generosity.

"Benji," I whisper. "Touch me."

"A small touch?" Benji asks, before leaning closer, "Or a big touch?"

I bite my lip. "Medium?"

He wraps his arms around me, holding me to his chest.

"Bigger." I insist, my voice slightly muffled.

He plants a soft series of kisses on top of my head. I shiver with pleasure, warm in his grip.

I don't even want to wash my hands.

[Woah, 4k reads? ❤️ The amount of love you guys have shown to this story through votes and comments is overwhelming. I mean it sincerely when I say thank you!!

We're twenty chapters in, which is honestly kind of long for a fic. I don't know how much longer this is going to be, but there are still a few things I want to happen. I hope you all stick around for what's to come!]