𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

nighttime drives

tw:
suicidal thoughts.

Jorge's POV:

"Jorge?"

I practically leap out of my own skin when I hear my mom's voice. I tear my lips away from Benji, my heart pounding. My vision blurs with fear as I try to look away from my mom.

"What- What were you doing?" She sputters in disbelief.

"He was helping me study and-" I keep my head down.

"That did not look like studying." She scowls.

"I- I'm sorry. We just-" I try to explain.

"Tell him to go home. We need to have a talk." Her words dig a pit in my stomach.

I get out of my chair and motion for Benji to follow me. I pull open the front door, staring downwards at my feet.

"Bye, Jorge." He whispers.

"Bye Benji."

He gives my hand a small squeeze before leaving.

I shuffle back to the dining room, anxiety filling my mind. I can't focus on one single thought before I'm distracted by another.

My mom looks at me for a long time, studying my appearance.

"Did he do this to you?" She's talking about my cuts and bruises.

"No. He actually got me help." I murmur.

"Did that happen today?"

"It happened yesterday." I spit. "Maybe if you paid attention to me, or, god forbid, asked me about my day, you would have noticed!" I want to cry, but I don't feel anything besides anger.

She ignores my outburst.

"Is he your-" There is an uncomfortable pause.

"Boyfriend? Yes." I cut in without thinking.

She puts her head in her hands and doesn't speak. Guilt starts to build in my stomach. I've always known that I'm a little disappointing. But this? This is a new level.

I'm such a bad son.

"Jorge just- Just go. I need some space."

Just like that, the conflict is over. I was expecting a huge fight. To have things thrown at me. To be screamed at. For it to end with both of us sobbing.

But I've crossed the line this time. This is something so bad and so upsetting, that my mom won't even react.

The weight of her disappointment is more bone crushing than anything she could've hit me with.

The scream of her silence is more deafening than any harsh words she could've spat in my face.

I begin up the stairs, willing to give her some alone time. I know how much I've upset her, and she deserves some quiet.

"No, Jorge. You need to go- out the door." She says from the other room, her words void of any emotion.

Including love.

My heart lurches at her command but I obey. Carefully squeaking open the door, I let myself out. Rain is falling down in heavy sheets.

With a glance at my car, I quickly decide against it. I don't have any gas money.

Night has already fallen, and never before have I felt more alone. I let my feet guide me, not wanting to go anywhere in particular. My mind is in a different place.

I find that my feet have taken me to the train station. Staring at the tracks, I imagine what it would be like to die. I reach down to touch the rusted metal, my fingertips grazing the wet, bumpy surface. I could end everything tonight. Cold and alone on the train tracks.

I wonder what my final thoughts would be. Perhaps of Benji, and how I would have wished I'd said one last "I love you". Or maybe of my mom. She would feel so guilty for sending me out on into the cold on this stormy night.

And then, in a flash, it would all be over.

The idea feels bittersweet. Things would be better for everyone that way. My mom would have more money to spend. Syd wouldn't have to help me all the time. Benji could have his friends back, and his catholic parents wouldn't have to worry about me ruining their son.

You're such a burden.

My thoughts are brought back to the morning I found Benji's voicemail. I think about the panic I felt when I thought I had lost Benji. I truly felt like I was going to lose a piece of my own soul without him.

I can't put them all through that. Especially not the boy who loves me.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I start a facetime call with Benji. He picks up quickly.

"Baby, what are you doing out there? What happened?" He asks, his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

"Benji, I- I need somewhere to stay."

"I'll have to talk to my parents- But I can come get you." He replies softly.

"Please." I murmur.

"Just stay on the call, don't hang up, okay? Where are you?"

"I'm at the train station ."

Benji's POV:

The wipers dance rhythmically against my windshield as I drive through the pouring rain. Even with my headlights shining in front of me, it's hard to see the road ahead. This is supposed to be the last rain before winter comes, and it looks like it's going to be quite the storm.

Music plays softly from the radio as thousands of free falling raindrops drum dully against the car. Jorge's voice is hardly a whisper when he tells me that he's at the train tracks.

I can't help but wonder why he chose to go there. Trying not to let my mind wander, I focus on the road. I'm just glad he called.

Jey doesn't really speak, nor do I, but neither of us ends the call. A knowing silence hangs in the air.

Pulling into the train station, I see Jorge sitting on a bench. His face is illuminated by the phone screen, defining his most prominent features. With a curl or two plastered against his forehead, he looks up.

"I'm coming." I whisper into the phone.

Hanging up, I push open the car door. I'm immediately pelted by raindrops when I step out.

Jorge meets me halfway to the car and I take a moment to hold him. I don't know what his mom said to him, but it couldn't have been pretty. The rain beating down on us, I know that nothing will be the same after this. I notice that he is not crying. He's like dead weight in my arms.

Numb.

The chill, nighttime winds bite my face as we get in my car. Jorge's tired eyes focus on the glove department in front of him.

I don't know what to do to comfort him as we drive into the night. My heart says "I love you", but for some reason it's still hard to get out of my mouth.

I take his trembling hand in mine.

That will do for now.

[Wow, thank you guys SO MUCH for 2k reads. ❤️❤️

I'm writing this chapter while very sleep deprived and emotionally spent, so I apologize for the lack of editing and everything. Just wanted to get something out to all of you !]