The Bedwarmer (BL)

6: Momentum

Nagising ako sa isang malambot na higaan. Iminulat ko ang aking mata and I was tensed for a moment dahil hanggang ngayon pala kasama ko parin si Andrew. Nakahiga siya sa tabi ko and he was holding me in my waist. Mahimbing ang tulog niya at nakita ko sa bedside table ang isang digital clock. It was 9 PM already. Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras dahil matapos ang nangyari sa aming dalawa ay nakatulog ako marahil sa sobrang pagod at sa kakaibang sarap na naramdaman ko kanina.

I can't help but smile when I remember how rough Andrew was. Hindi ko akalain na isang middle age man ang may ganoong kagaling sa performance sa sex. Tiningnan ko ang maamo ngunit puno parin ng authority niyang mukha. I have always dramed of him lying beside me. At ngayon nga na katabi ko na siya, parang hindi parin ako makapaniwala.

"Stop staring.. I might want to devour you again." nakangiting saad ni Andrew at napangiti naman ako. Gising pala siya at nahuli pa niya akong minamasdan ang mukha niya.

"Sorry.. I just can't help it. Hindi parin ako makapaniwala thay we are together right now." sabi ko naman. Umusod siya ng kaunti palayo sakin at tumingala sa ceiling ng malaking kwarto.

Alam kong pansamantala lang ang mga ganitong pangyayari sa buhay ko. But I've always wanted someone to see me as someone they can love for a long time. Iyon ang gusto ko. But I keep running towards the wrong people. And maybe he is another one of them.

"We have to keep this as a secret, Edrian.. Walang dapat makaalam na may nangyayari sa ating dalawa." saad niya in a serious tone. Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was still looking at the ceiling.

"You don't have to worry about that.. I know my place. Ayokong gumawa ng gulo." sagot ko sa kanya but deep inside me, I was a bit hurt with what I've heard. Why do we have to keep doing this thing kung itatago niya lang din naman?

"I have a name that I am protecting.. At ayokong masira iyon dahil lang sa mga bagay na hindi ko kayang makontrol. And if Brandy knows about this, I can't guarantee that you will have peace of mind. That girl has always been a brat. At ayokong madamay ka sa mga tantrums at pagiging protective niya sa akin."

I realized once again what my position is on this kind of game that Andrew is playing. I heard him clearly that he had been wanting to be with me and touch me and all of that, pero mas mahalaga parin sa kanya ang pangalan niya at pagdating sa bagay na iyon, wala akong laban. I am just a sexual object.. A bedwarmer I guess.

"Do you understand everything I said, Edrian?" tanong niya pa sa akin and I just smiled at him. I guess I have to face the reality of the situation I put myself into.

"Yes.. I understand, Sir." matamlay kong sagot sa kanya and he got up from the bed. His nakedness really drives me crazy but I really have doubts now.

I have feelings for him. I know I grown to love him as the time goes by. Pero hanggang kailan kk makakayang pigilan ang sarili ko knowing that we have been fucking now? It just gets me to that point that I might lose big time if I keep on doing this.

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I was packing my bag for the weekend trip that Gio had beed insisting me. Isang van ang sasakyan namin at nagdecide silang sunduin nalang ako sa intersection na malapit sa aking apartment. I agreed with it. Maybe its also time for me to relax and just forget things for a moment.

And a doorbell just made me startle at agad ko namang tinungo ang pinto upang tingnan kung sino ang nandoon. Pagbukas ko palang ang nagulat na ako sa isang kumpol ng white and red roses na nakasilid sa isang basket at isang teddy bear na kulang puti. Agad ko namang dinampot ang mga iyon at agad kong nalaman kong sino ang nagbigay nun sakin. I know its Henry.