Green Stardust ~ (Sequel to Angel's Love of Two Wings)

Chapter 40 - You're Here

My feet felt so heavy I could hear them stomping a little on the floor. About a few years or so had gone by faster than any of us imagined. I had dealt the final blow to finish all of our work. Most of the peace had been restored to its natural tendencies in the city above and below.

I tried to spend more time with my family, although with a dead father gone for real and a new one popping up in my life it wasn't as easy of a process as I thought it'd be. It was as if when we all were done with my father and all that Jasper did, I didn't realize I put the rest of my life on a literal pause.

Going back home was not so much odd and weird as it was seeing Derek and Sun there more often. I spent more nights in the layer away from home to try and ease myself in slower. I hope mom didn't worry so much about me.

The guys and everyone had made sure once we got back that the focus was to be set on other matters in the city when all this was over. All of the fights my father started, the ones he tried to put the blame on me or say he wanted to fix things. Nothing could've been fixed. Pieces of myself are still scattered around me. I'm still struggling picking them all up.

It still feels like a dream.... believing he's still out there and will come back any second. That I will have to fight for my life again, worried that the guys doing it with me will have to face the same fate that has been engraved in my bones.

Things had changed afterwards. Once my father was no more for sure this time, the guys figured it was time they dealt with Shredder since he still had his footprint on the city and his reign continued despite our distractions. The time I was still in New York I spent some of it helping them fight off any foot soldiers and some sting operations if they needed. I only did it if they asked. If not, I was home or out doing things to get ready for college, planning a getaway time I would tell my mom about. I was planning on leaving.

After all of that, I needed a break. I needed time to get back into a decent enough mental space and state I knew would let me not be so down. It took longer than I thought, but I still made progress on other things along the way besides my own deals.

I know saying I deserved a break from it all sounded so rude, and it still does to me today a year later. But after being put through that kind of torment and hell again with him, I needed it. Part of me still tries to convince myself I deserved the beating. It was my fault. It was. If I hadn't cremated his remains the first time none of it would've happened. Things I regret wouldn't have happened.

I close my eyes when I stop short of the elevator. My fingers twisting a simple ring around my left hand, another one of my habits I got. Going over every single detail again. To remind myself that it is over. I don't have to fight it anymore. I don't have to live in a constant state of fear anymore. I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder wondering if he will be behind me. I don't have to imagine he will come back again because he won't. He can't.

The automatic doors closed behind me while I walked to the parking structure from campus. I had been here for about a couple years and had just gotten my masters degree approved that I would be receiving in the same month when I finish my second ride of studies. I had already finished my bachelors two years prior, making it nearly six years I've been back in California again. It took that long since starting at a community college to transfer in two years, and get my degrees in the allotted time I had to stay over here.

Studying child psychology wasn't the easiest of jobs, nor was the demand since I applied to so many places and had too many call backs I didn't know where to choose.

The kind of profession isn't as existent anymore as it used to be is what I'd tell myself. So going with the one I knew I could be at long enough made sense to me. It's been a small dream I always knew once I had dealt with enough of my own past trauma, reminding myself on more than one occasion after all the therapy sessions and own self care I had to do that it will get better. It is getting better. It's slow moving, but deep down I do feel everything lightening up around me.