The Life You Deserve

Chapter 31: At Death's Door

AN: Buckle your seatbelt, it's time for our angstiest chapter!

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May 1987

El rarely felt the need to go into the void anymore, unless she was wanting to speak with Kali which she did every few months, always eager to check up on her sister. But on this humid May night, it seemed that for once the void called for her...or at least someone called her to it.

El opened her eyes as the familiar endless darkness of the void filled her senses. The water that swept over her feet could almost be invisible as it didn't make her feel wet or cold. She looked around in confusion, curious as to what had brought her here. In the distance the image of a house, more specifically a front door, captivated her attention.

She walked slowly to the door, quickly realising that she recognised it. It was mama's door. El moved with enthusiasm now that the familiarity of the house had set in. She pushed opened the door and was intrigued to find that a dark replica of the house was coming to life in front of her.

El walked silently, not needing prompts to know where she would find mama.

She turned the corner by the kitchen to find mama sat in her rocking chair, but she looked different. El's eyes widened with joy as she stared at her mother, looking more like the woman from the dream cycle than the mama she had known over the last few years.

"Mama?" El whispered, too scared to even talk loudly in case the beautiful blonde woman disappeared into a wisp of smoke.

The breath in El's throat caught as Terry turned towards her daughter, her eyes alive and warm, her smile welcoming and loving. "Jane," she exhaled in relief.

A sob broke from El's chest and then she was rushing to her mother, even at the age of 16 she cuddled immediately into Terry's lap. "Mama," El cried out as a heavy weight left her chest.

Terry's arms wrapped around El and she pulled her closer, El's head tucking under her mother's chin, her tears falling onto Terry's chest. She shushed her daughter gently, kissing her soft curls and rocking them slowly on the chair.

"I'm so proud of you Jane." Terry said softly, stroking El's cheek as she sniffled and looked up at her mother through adoring wet eyes.

"I love you mama. I have m-missed you s-so much." El sobbed through a shaking voice, unable to comprehend that she was finally being held by her mother.

"I love you baby." Terry said kissing her daughter's forehead and snuggling closer. "I had to see you one last time." She added in a whisper, her warm cheek against El's curls.

El just caught her words and looked up at her mother in confusion and fear. "Why can't I see you again?"

Terry smiled warmly, her eyes so full of love for her daughter, her greatest love. "You will one day Jane, but not for a very long time. I will always be with you though, I will always love you..."

El sobbed, "I love you mama. P-please don't leave me!"

Terry didn't answer but cradled El, a soft hum coming out of her throat as she lay her head on top of El's and lulled her to sleep as she rocked them in the chair. The fear of her mother's words seemed to slip away as the sweet sound of mama singing a distance melody El had longed forgotten, calmed her heart.

"The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. But when I awoke dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and I cried. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away..."