Finding Promise (WATTYS 2017)

Chapter four

I walked along quietly beside him deep in thought. Why did this always happen to me? What did I do to be the barrier of so much pain? I felt cold and empty inside as the last thought came into my head.

Why did men always want to hurt me? Tears sprang into my eyes. Why did it have to hurt so much? What did I do to get treated like this? The tears trickled down my cheek. My life had always been a series of pain and guilt. You'd think I would be used to it by now. But it still didn't stop the pain inside of me.

All it did was make me hold more in, refusing to let anyone see it. I thought about how many times I cried myself to sleep at night. Hugging nothing but Buttercup, my stuffed cow. I'd whisper into her ear telling her that we were going to be alright. I had learned to lock my room door whenever he had a party. Which I forgot about.

I don't know but I forgot all the lessons I learned over the years since he showed up. I now know never to let my guard down no matter the circumstances. This boy is going to get me killed.

It was warm today although the cold inside me did not wither the warmth on my face is satisfying. It was so good to be away from the troubles of school, home and well just...trouble period. I inhaled and exhaled feeling a brief moment of peace.

I felt a whoosh of air on my back and a squeeze on my shoulder. I jerked from under his hold. I looked up at him and saw a little hint of regret in his eyes. Feeling stupid and guilty I ducked my head down looking at my feet."I'm I-" I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come out. Why was I acting like this?

Deciding not to try anymore I just told myself I didn't have to apologize. Besides I was just defending myself. From what? Truth was everything. It seemed like everything and everyone was out to get me. I built up the courage to look up at him feeling like I had nothing to lose. I saw that the regret had left and in its place understanding. What could he understand. He doesn't even know me or what I've been through.

We walked by the park still not saying a word to each other. Memories came flowing towards me like a tsunami. Sun, grass, swings, slides, jump ropes, and... mama.

I choked at the thought. But still refusing to show any more emotion that I already had I turned away then got pulled back. I turned to look at Jarred who was smiling. " Haven't you ever been to the park." He pulled me forward still looking at me. My eyes were wide but I quickly replaced it with a glare snatching my hand out of his when we were near the swings.

He looked surprised when I snatched it away. I clutched my hand like I was protecting my virginity. Yes I'm a virgin no matter how many people try to take it away from me I plan to hold on to it until I am ready to give it up.

I still remained quiet and glaring at him. He chuckled a little. I frowned. " Don't worry I'm not going to hurt you." He held his hand out for me. I hesitated but I walked toward the swings brushing past him and his devil hands. I smiled to myself. That'll teach him to touch me again.

I sat on the swing rocking back and forth. "Thanks, for saving me." I mumbled to him. He gave me a big smile. I rolled my eyes and grumbled putting my chin in the palm of my hand. So many memories. I looked around the park watching kids run by. Mothers chatting at an extreme level. And couples making out behind trees. Disgusting, get a room you bastards.

"Listen Han-" He began to talk. I cut him off without letting him finish.

"No you listen! I don't need you judging me!I didn't need your help before and I don't need it now..So if you want to just have your way with me that's not going to happen. I'm not your prostitute, I'm not your whore, and I'm not your bitch! Just mind your business and leave me alone!" I jumped off the swing and started walking home. I heard him calling me but I wasn't going to turn around. I quickened my pace looking out the corner of my eye to see a dumb founded Jarred staring at me. Whose the bitch now. You are he didn't even call you a bitch. The tiny voice in the back of my head screamed at me.

I don't care I'm tired of being taken advantage of. They'll have to think twice if they thought I was going to sit there and let that happen. Visions of the attempted rapes popped into my head. My face scrunched together in disgust at myself. Never again, never again will I accept being weak.

Hey guys update finally. I am expecting three more views or more than the last to update this again.

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