The Choice I Regret

Chances

Here it is...Finally I know!!

I hope you enjoy :)

Finn’s POV

Just when I thought that I knew everything, I find out that there’s more that they haven’t told me. My eyes are going back and forwards between Rachel and spencer. The room is filled with an awkward silence and in the corner of my eye I can see the doctor try to find a way to walk out. Spencer is playing with the hem of her shirt, the feeling of guilt washed all over her face. I look at Rachel once more, trying to get an answer from somebody, but her eyes were closed trying so hard to avoid eye contact with me. It was like she was disgusted with me.

“I thought you told him everything!” Rachel mumbles raising the level of her voice by the time she finished her sentence

“ I was about to tell him but then the doctor interrupted us because you woke up” spencer says walking closer trying to grab Rachel’s hand but frowns when she pulls her hand away.

“Leave!” Rachel exclaims

“Rach please” spencer cries

“Leave! I need to tell him everything myself” I see that spencer has a questioning look on her face, as if saying to Rachel that she was sure about telling me everything, and hopefully this time it is EVERYTHING.  Rachel slightly nods before spencer walks out looking at me last.

“So……….” I start trying to avoid another awkward silence

Once again she sits up to make herself comfortable on the hospital bed. And I as well try to make myself comfortable in the hard wooden chair, but I have a feeling that this is going to take a while.

“Where to begin, right?” she jokes

“The start will be best” I thought that was a funny reply but she thought otherwise.

She takes a deep breath and looks up to the ceiling, like she was praying to help her through telling me her past.

“ok, so spencer has probably told you most of this, but I think I need to clear things up a little, it’s a lot to take in” wow, she got that right !

“So, it all started when we broke up in high school. When we dated I was the happiest I think I’ve ever been. I mean you were my first, so of course when we stopped dating it broke my heart. Than you and Quinn got together and that just broke me.” I look down at the ground in shame, I feel sick in my stomach.

“Then, a couple of weeks after we split I found out I was pregnant. I was trying to find ways to tell you, but then I saw how happy you were with Quinn, so I decided to keep it to myself. It was so hard keeping it from you. But I kept telling myself that if I told you about the baby your future would be ruined. And then in glee club Mr Shue gave the female lead to Quinn and that got me thinking. Why was Quinn getting everything I wanted, I figured it was because she was so beautiful and skinny.”

“Your beautiful just the way you are” I interrupt her unintentionally, I frown when I hear her scoff

“Moving on, when I figured out it was because of those reasons, I promised myself that I would do whatever it takes to look like that. So I refused to eat and I was just generally not looking after myself……….or the baby. After we graduated I went to New York as you know. I was just settling into my new apartment and that’s when I met spencer. She could tell something wasn’t right and i was hiding something so she tried to help me, I kept telling her I was fine but she knew better. One day I was at this Broadway workshop thing and I wasn’t feeling good, I fainted and fell into spencers arms.”

She stops to cry a little and I reach over to hold her hand in comfort. She takes a deep breath before she continues.

“That was the day I lost the baby. I woke up in this exact hospital with spencer sitting at my bed side crying. I had no idea what was going on, until the doctor came in the room and told me I lost the most precious thing in my life. That put me in a dark cloud for months. And I have to say that was the worst time of my life. I was covered in guilt, it was all my fault. That was the thing that kept replaying in my head, that’s what made me almost take my own life. I’m not going to tell you what I did because I don't want to live through the details of everything again. Let’s just say spencer was scared.” my eyes widened. I never knew it got this bad to the point where Rachel almost killed herself!

“Rachel I am so sorry, for everything. Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I say through my watery eyes

“Because no one knew! only spencer. And I liked it that way, spencer was my only friend here and I knew that you and Quinn were still together and happy. And I didn’t want to bother you. I didn’t tell Kurt because I knew that he would have told you straight away. I didn’t want to interrupt your perfect lives. Imagine what Quinn would say if she found out that i was pregnant. You know, she was right. She said to me senior year that you would end up with her, that you would get married and have kids and live happily ever after while I’ll still on the sidelines watching heartbroken. And once again she was spot on…..well minus the kids part…….I think.”

I nod answering her last question about the kids, but start to shake my head thinking about the nerve of Quinn saying that to Rachel. No one deserves to be talked to like that and especially Rachel.

“But look at you now, you’re on the New York Giants, you’re living your dream and you’re happy, Quinn made you happy.” I get up on my seat and go to sit next to her. Just like I did before.

“Don’t you see that you’re the reason I’m living my dream. All throughout high school you have taught me all about chasing your dreams and never giving up. And that’s what I’m doing right now.” She looks down blushing

“And just so you know, I’m the one who chose to come to New York. You know why?” I ask with a slight smile on face.

“Because it has awesome hot dogs and pretzels?” she smirks but I shake my head.

“Because it has you” I see a smile start to appear on her face to match mine.

“Ever since high school I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, when I asked Quinn to marry me, it was me giving up on life because I knew I could never be with you. You are a star and I’m just a small town boy. And whenever Quinn started talking about kids, all I can think about is having them with you and seeing little Rachel Berry’s running around everywhere.” As I finish what I was saying I can see as I start to mention kids she starts to act a little strange and I quickly think back to what I have said to see if I have said anything bad, but when I found nothing ii found myself asking her what’s wrong

“You know how there’s something spencer hadn’t told you yet? Well….... the story is when I was at the hospital last some bad things happened and the doctors took some blood test and the results didn’t come back great. They said that was because of what I did, that it has turned out this way, and I’m so stupid. And now I only have 10%!” at first I was following with what Rachel was saying but then she started rambling on really fast and I lost track of what she was saying. The only thing I understood was 10%, but of what?

“What do you mean 10%.......what do you have 10% of?” I ask confused

She takes a deep breath and takes her hand away from mine and looks me in the eyes.

“I have a 10% chance of ever having kids again” she looks at me for a moment and then falls into my arms and cries. I sit there shocked while holding her tight. All my dreams of having little Rachel Berry’s running around my house were dashed. I was not expecting this at all.

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