Blessed to Cursed

Suffer the Consequences 1

Even just a few years ago
I would have been terrified to say this.
Terrified to write it.
Terrified to even think it.
But now I'm embracing who I really am...

My name is Fawn,
Given to me by my mother.
It means "young deer".
My mother is a spiritual woman,
And sees the deer as her protector.
She hoped that they would protect me too.

My middle name is Rose,
Given to me by my grandmother.
A rose is a beautiful flower,
Often a symbol of Venus.
It represents love and beauty and all that has to offer.
My grandmother named me after her sister.
She hoped I would be as beautiful inside and out as she was.

My last name is Young,
The last name of my mother.
It has its origins in England,
Who would've guessed it?
How it got to my family,
I'm sure you can guess it.

My last name's not my father's
Because he was never there.
I'm not sure if he ever knew about me,
Even on the day he died.
What my parents had was forbidden.
I'm sure he'd rather that I lied.

My father was White.
Skin as pale as the clouds in the sky.
My mother was Black.
Skin as dark as the sky in the night.
Me? I am both, Black and White.
I have skin brown as coffee, but no one can take a sip.

I grew up with my mother as a Black.
Some people who are fully black have skin the color as mine
So no one ever questioned it.

But my mom, grandmother, and I knew
That no one would like me if we told the truth.

I'd have to suffer the consequences of my mother's actions.
She always hated herself for putting me in a difficult position.
I never hated her for it.
I was only ever sad.
I wondered if she regretted having me.
She told me never.
She would always choose to have me.
Forever and ever.

I'm not a baby anymore,
But I'm still her baby.
She would still do anything to protect me.
I still love her more than anyone.
But at least I can be free of this secret
Without having to worry about suffering the consequences.