Star Wars: A Resistance Story. Book 2

Chapter 11: Guilt and Anger.

The return on D'Qar was chaotic. The pilots who had survived the attack ran towards the Falcon that was slowly landing on the base. During their journey back, they had learnt about Han Solo's death and the fact that Finn was badly hurt. Poe, Jay and Snap hurried to help transporting the young man to the medical wing, leaving Rey alone with Leïa. Inconsolable, the women fell into each other arms, under Ly'ra's eyes.

Still in her cockpit, the pilot didn't dare to move, still feeling guilty about her outburst on the Starkiller base. She didn't know what happened there, her hatred had blinded her and she was realising only now all the risks everyone took because of her. After having taken a deep breath, she removed her helmet, stood up and left the ship silently. Dante wasn't around which wasn't a bad thing: She didn't want to talk to him for now. Without really knowing how, she headed to the medical wing and, once there, she noticed Poe who was waiting, observing, in front of the room where they were taken care of the poor Finn, still unconscious. She stayed aside, hesitating between go and support the pilot or take her ship to leave D'Qar as fast as possible.

"He should be alright, but he will need time before awaken. We'll put him in a subwoofer to help him recover quicker."

The young woman looked up when she heard Harter Kalonia announcing the condition of the former Stormtrooper. Poe nodded and turned back, only then noticing Ly'ra at the other side of the corridor. The lovers shared a glance before she turned on her heels and stepped away slowly. Dameron hurried behind her and caught her with few strides.

"Hey! Ly'ra, wait! What happened there?"

The stir around them made the young woman uncomfortable: the medical team were running everywhere, and some pilots where passing through them, looking for friends or some help. Poe must have noticed it as he gently took her arm, leading her further. Together they stepped out of the medical wing and the pilot led his girlfriend in a corner. Ly'ra leaned against the wall of the base behind her, her eyes still fixed on the ground. Poe softly caressed her cheek, gently forcing her to look up at him and he almost regretted his move instantly. He knew her amazing green eyes by heart. Or at least he thought he did. He saw them angry, scared, determined, happy, laughing, calm but never like that. The young woman was holding back her tears trying her best to avoid Dameron's brown eyes. Only now he understood that it was something more than just revenge. Something had happened when the mercenaries had left D'Qar, something bad. Suddenly, all the tears that were just a threat until now took over and the pilot broke down. Poe gently took her in his arms, caressing her back with one hand and placing her head against his chest with the other.

"Hey... Ssshh, it's gonna be alright... Calm down angel..."

Ly'ra was hiding her anguish for months. These nightmares and her powers first worried her, but when she started losing control like on Starkiller and had violent temper tantrums, she started being scared. She knew, or she actually felt, that Dante and Bango were both worried to and she tried being stronger and hid her fear from her friends. But now that Poe had seen it and worse, was asking questions about it, Ly'ra was overwhelmed by her fright and her guilt. So, for the first time for years, she let go and cry in her boyfriend's arms.

After several seconds, her tears finally stopped and Poe let her looking up at him.

"What happened Ly'ra?"

His question was not about the Starkiller base anymore. She knew that. He understood that something else had engaged in her attitude. The young woman took a deep breath before releasing it. Her breath was still shaking, but not enough to stop her from talking now. 

"I-I'm sorry..."

"No... No Princess, you don't have to sorry..."

Ly'ra sighed and stepped back, keeping her hands on the pilot's chest who kept his arms around her as well.

"Poe, I could have made you kill there. I became dangerous. You can't understand..."

"Then tell me! I'm not stupid Ly'ra, I saw the looks Dante is giving you, and even Bango! Damn, what happened during all these months? Tell me!"

The young woman hesitated a moment before closing her eyes a second. When finally she opened her mouth to talk, she was cut off by Dante.

"Can I talk to you a second?"

Then, seeing that she didn't want to move, the Jedi stepped forward, and added with a firmer tone.

"Please..."

"Alright... I'll be right back..."

Poe watched them go reluctantly, having a doubt about what they were going to talk about.

"You can't tell him..."

The young pilot frowned, looking up at her mentor. Dante and her had more and more disagreements lately. She had understood that, if she was listening to the man, they would go and run away deep down the Galaxy, on a deserted planet, even on an asteroid, praying that no one ever found them. He was scared, but not of the First Order, nor of the fights that the war would provoke. He was scared of her and her new powers that were growing stronger in her. He was scared by what she would soon be able to do and it made her angry. And suddenly, she understood that she didn't  guess his attitude but she saw it. She was inside his mind, just like Kylo Ren did few years ago. And he didn't even noticed it. Trying to calm down her breathing, the young woman shook her head, stepping back.

"No... You go... It's what you want since we left D'Qar the first time, so go. I won't hold you back. But I won't go with you. Not anymore. It's over Dante. I'm done. I told you, you were always free to do whatever you wanted to. So leave... But please, ask Bango what he wanna do before forcing him into something he doesn't want."

And as she was making a move to leave, Dante grabbed her arm, holding her back.

"You don't understand how dangerous you are Ly'ra... Don't do that."

The pilot turned her head to face him and looked down at his hand still around her arm, before lowering her voice, becoming more threatening.

"And I'll still be. You had always refused to tell me the truth and I get it. It's not when I'll leave with you that you'll reveal it one day. I'm home here. I finally found something I truly care about. Something for me. Not my fiancé, nor my father. Something for myself. And I have Poe and I know he'll be by my side no matter what. So now, let me go."

Seeing that Dante didn't seem to agree fast enough, the young woman let a small part of her anger invade her once again, just enough to keep control of it, and sent a shock through her arm, forcing the Jedi to release her.

"I can take care of myself now Dante. Goodbye."

She then turned on her heels and went back to Poe who was focused on a conversation with Snap. The pilot frowned, tilting slightly her head before joining them.

"Something wrong?"

Dameron faced her, placing his right hand on the young woman's back, before explaining.

"There's an important meeting with all the officers and leaders of the Resistance. Leïa wants to see us all. Now..."

Ly'ra understood with his tone that he thought this meeting was a really bad timing, forcing them to postpone their conversation, with the only hope that none of them would be sent out in a mission in the meantime. The young woman nodded softly, offering a small smile to Snap before agreeing.

"I understand. It's okay. We'll talk about it later."

"Ly'ra..."

"Don't worry... We'll talk about it I promise."

She turned her head and fixed the beautiful brown eyes of Dameron with her green ones. They shared an agreed look before the three of them headed towards the Operations Room, leaving Dante alone on the tarmac.