Torn In Two | Thorin Oakenshield |

12. Another Debt

"I offer you my help. If you return what is mine."

Thranduil's voice continues to echo in my head as I lay before a healer, who has been muttering nonsense since I got here. The arrow is thankfully out of my side now but we're still in the middle of the healing process. Which I honestly haven't been paying attention to.

What offer? I stare at the wooden ceiling in wonder, allowing the Elf to do whatever since I'm lost in my own thoughts. What could I possibly give to him?

If anything I'm surprised he actually listened to someone like me.

My thoughts are cut short when something is pressed hard against my wound, causing me to curse out loudly in Black Speech.

"Jeez." I mutter as the Elf starts chanting something as if in a trance, and I now notice some kind of plant is on my skin.

A cold sweat forms the longer she speaks and I breathe out heavily, suddenly very tired for no particular reason. Licking my dry lips, I clench my fists tightly and attempt to relieve the sting in my eyes.

She'd better be healing me and not making things worse out of spite.

I take in a few more deep breaths as she continues her gibberish, when my fingers suddenly twitch at an unexpected tingling. It gradually spreads down to my torso, bringing massive heat on its way, until the feeling is at the tips of my toes.  

The battle of heat and cold sends my mind spinning and I go cross eyed for a few seconds, overwhelmed. Everything inside of me wants to fight back. To claw at this wench and tear through as many guards as possible. But my body has been under so much stress lately, I don't even have the strength to move.

I've always hated feeling this way. Weak. Vulnerable. But most of all... useless. Truth is, I've been beating myself up this whole time. Way before I met the dwarves in fact.

Back then, part of me always knew that following Azog was wrong. But I listened to his orders anyway and did horrible things. And for what? Because I wanted to be a good little soldier? Because I desired to belong somewhere?

I can't tell you how many times I've thought about all these things. Scolded myself every day for the past few months and I've most likely asked those same questions before.

Maybe I just love reminding myself how much of an idiot I am. Not to mention powerless.

I'm more pitiful now than ever. Over here moping around when it's not even worth it. It's not gonna do anyone any good but I can't really help it.

Wonder what Thorin thinks of me now. Heck. Why do I even care? I never did when the journey started but he was so stubborn. Always looking out for me when he thought I wouldn't notice. Did much more than protect me actually.

My heart swells as the memories with him appear and I sigh, pretending it's due to the current healing process.

Why do you decide to beat now stupid heart of mine? I've been listening to you all my life but you've never sounded like this until he showed up. Why do you miss him so terribly?

I frown upon realizing that I indeed talk to myself a lot and leave those questions unanswered.

For now.

My mouth stretches open into a heavy yawn and I drift off into a deep sleep, aware that Thranduil will be awaiting to bargain.

—

"Orcs." Father says quietly from inside the living room, most likely assuming I can't hear due to my petrified state.

But after what just happened... A cold shiver runs down my spine at the recollection and I hold my doll tighter.