Open Doors

Chapter 6

As the hours of the night passed, Logan found himself unable to sleep. His mind had been racing, trying to figure out Patton's extraordinary ability. How was he able to do it? He handled the emotions of others with an amazing amount of compassion and empathy. Virgil had come home displaying signs of either anger or possibly anxiety, and Patton had literally lept into action. There had been no hesitation at all, he had immediately known what to do. Logan couldn't even understand what their roommate had been feeling.

He began tapping his pencil against the side of his computer, feeling like he was getting nowhere. He had been spending every night, since his fight with Roman, studying ways to be more empathetic. Logan knew that this was not his strong suit, and it likely never would be. Still, he wanted to be a better roommate. He wanted to be useful and he had no desire to continue fighting over meaningless quarrels. He thought, if he could improve his knowledge set, maybe he wouldn't say things that would set Roman off. Yet, he wasn't able to understand this, at least not the way Patton did.

Logan had been hiding his research from his other roommates. He felt ashamed that he was lacking in something that could be considered a basic human skill. He didn't want to be seen as a joke. He didn't want them to think less of him.

A sigh slid past his lips, and Logan began rubbing his arm where he had cut himself. Indulging in this fleeting pain reminded him, having emotions was not useful. Understanding emotions would serve his need to be a proper roommate, but he did not need to allow himself to experience them. He turned to look at the clock.

It was 1:37, he still did not feel tired. Logan could feel his mind buzzing, but it would have to be ignored. He could not allow his personal dilemmas to affect his job. Stretching his back, he walked out of his room and towards the kitchen. A glass of water might be just what he needed to take his mind off everything.

That had been his plan, but someone was laying on the couch. A couch was not a suitable place to sleep and they were all aware of this fact. With a mild frown, Logan went to investigate. "Patton, what are you doing sleeping on the couch?" The concern filled his face but he pushed it back. If he was to sleep out here, Patton would need a blanket. Wasting no time, in thinking about this further, he made his way back to his bedroom, grabbing an extra blanket and placed it over the sleeping man. Logan had theorized that a small intrusion would not wake Patton.

"Logan?" Apparently, his hypothesis had been incorrect.

"Yes, apologies Patton I did not intend to wake you." He had not made it past the couch.

"It's okay, I should head to bed anyway, what time is it?"

"1: 40. Why did you fall asleep on the couch, to begin with? The TV does not seem as if you had been watching something."

"That late? No, I was just talking with Roman and fell asleep on the couch."

"And Roman did not carry you back to your room? He does have a flair for that type of dramatic display."

"I think he had already left before I fell asleep," Patton yawned, finally standing up. Logan's brow furrowed. This was unlike Patton.

"Very well. Would you like assistance back to your room?"

"No, I can get it." He held out the blanket to Logan, but there was something abnormal in his eyes. This would be a good time to test out some of the things Logan had been learning, but why did his palms feel sweaty.

Logan took in a deep breath, pushed up his glasses. "Patton, I know that I am not the first choice when it comes to speaking about emotions, and their effects, but if you find yourself in need of a hypothetical shoulder to cry on, please let me know."

Somehow that seemed to wake Patton up. His eyes studied Logan for a moment. "Logan," he said softly. His voice was so gentle, so kind. Logan frowned. Had he said something wrong? "Is everything alright?"

"I am not the one who fell asleep on the couch, Patton."

"I'm alright. I promise. I'm always alright. Thank you for your offer. I know you aren't really good with a lot of stuff like this though." He opened his mouth and yawned again. "I don't want to trouble you. Thank you again. You are a great roommate." Patton began walking off and Logan gripped the blanket in his hand.

He stood there frozen. 'You aren't really good with a lot of stuff like this.' It echoed in his head. Logan did not snap out of his trance until he heard Patton's door close. Getting his glass of water, he made his way to the bathroom. He locked the door. Sleeping pills? No, it was too late in the evening, he would oversleep. He would take them back to his room for the next time he had this problem. When he grabbed the bottle his fingers grazed over the razor in the medicine cabinet. 'You're just a robot.' He couldn't, not until his wound had healed. Another sigh left his lips as he turned and left the bathroom.

'I don't want to trouble you.' If it were trouble, he wouldn't have offered. Logan could feel his anger rising. Had he once again improperly phrased what it was he had intended to convey? 'You aren't really good with a lot of stuff like this'. He wasn't very good but he was trying to get better. He slammed the glass of water on his desk. Was he that inadequate? How was he supposed to get better without practice? He was trying. He had been trying.

Logan sank into his desk chair. 'You are an emotionless robot, and no one but me will ever love you.' That was not Roman's voice. He had not heard this voice echo in his head for several years now. I am the only one who could ever love you. His nails sunk into his arm. If he purged his emotions, he would not need love.

Logan stood up abruptly, walking over to his desk and tearing out the research pages he had written. His beautiful cursive looked up at him before he crumpled it up.

'You're just a robot.'

Even if he were to study, he was a robot.

'You aren't really good with a lot of stuff like this.'

He would never be able to help Patton.

'You could never understand what it's like to dream.'

He would always hurt Roman.

Logan threw the pages away. It was better to shut it all out. This had been a pointless endeavor. He undid his tie and carelessly threw it to the floor, collapsing onto his bed. If he didn't allow himself to feel it, then it didn't matter. What need does a robot have for emotions?

AN: This chapter was really therapeutic for me. I think it is by far one of my favorite chapters so far, but I have a bit more coming. Let me know what you think and if there are thing you want to see more of. Thank you for reading!