My dumb self

ok

so the more the week has slowly rolled by the more my school year is seemingly getting better.

im making better friends, not just acquaintances. like people that like the things i like and make an effort to have a conversation instead of me asking all the questions.

yesterday was fucking terrible to begin with.
my mom said we were gonna go to the gym and i was hyped bc i was getting fat and want to get back on my grind, and she ended up never waking me up and said that her head hurt. UR HEAD ISNT INVOLVED WHEN UR WORKI- Ok. i was already pissed and my mom sprayed me with a squirt bottle to make me get up. i got dressed and shit and my mom never signed all of the papers for school bc she didnt feel like it. when i was eating breakfast she was asking me all this shit i didnt know like what company does ur dad work at again? i dont fucking know damn. shes been laying off going to the gym for weeks. maybe even a month. and thats how long ive been disappointed everytime i woke up being told "we'll go tomorrow" BITCH I KNOW U DONT CARE ABOUT UR.. SHAPE BUT I CARE ABOUT MINE. sorry that was really mean im sorry mom. this is a journal anyways.

she RUSHED RUSHED RUSHED me out the door and i fucking hate being rushed so i let her scream at me when i was going at my own slow pace. the whole morning was so shitty already. i didnt, in any way, want to go back to prison (school). they have so many irrelevant rules like NO HUGGING??? NO LOUDLY TALKING TO SOMEONE OR U GET SUSPENDED BC ITS CONSIDERED A FIGHT???? NOTHING OTHER THAN WATER IN A CLEAR PLASTIC BOTTLE???? this shit is so dumb i hate my school.

wait i dont remember if i talked about that last time but theres more reasons i hate it.

so then i ran out of the house with earbuds i grabbed off the table and my cold starbucks drink (white i know) and when i was getting dressed none of the fucking pants i had fit me and were all too tight, ANOTHER THING THAT MADE ME PISSED ABOUT NOT GOING TO THE GYM LIKE I LIKED THOSE PANTS. and my boyfriend told me to wear a red shirt and jeans tomorrow so we could match. but my jeans didnt fit. FUCK. i wore my not-as-tight black stupid jeans and my red shirt. i only look good in dark colors so i was already out of my comfort zone.

when i got to my bus stop i was still in the car with my mom and my dad facetimed me and he asked how i was doing and i was like "good.." and he was like great! my parents never know when im being sarcastic or lying about my feelings. it really helps my over all life. joking.

i was like omg the stupid bus is gonna come i love u bye and hung up before he got to say anything and i was like love u bye. to my mom and angrily got out of the car and walked to the other side of the street where the other kids were.

it was SO FUCKING HOT AND I WAS SWEATING SO MUCH IT WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BYE. then it started raining hard. this older girl was like "OH MY FUCKING GOD" AND RAN UNDER THE TREE LOL. i was like "this is fucking cool." and she had like a cool emo style and wore all black and seemed nice. all of us talked when we were hiding from the rain until the bus finally pulled up 20 mins later and it was pouring.

i dont remember if i took the earbuds from my moms car and i NEEDED THEM TO FEEL SOMEWHAT BETTER BC MUSIC MAKES ME FEEL AWESOME EVEN WHEN IM MAD AS FUCK. i started drinking my delicious drink and looked in the pocket just incase and there were my earbuds. i put on some Cuco and drank my drink while watching the rain beat down on the windows. it was a nice vibe. even tho i got my caffeine intake and my good songs playing i still felt like i was on the verge of tears. i texted jose and said im sorry for not texting him all morning and that i would explain once i got to school, today has been such a shitty day. he said "ok baby" and i felt relieved. in times like this its not the best place to say just ight or ok. little things like understanding and "baby" make me feel like its ok that i wasnt on my phone that morning and how i took some time to myself.

he texted me about 10 mins later saying they made everyone go to their classes bc it was raining hard outside. i wouldnt be able to see him until the end of the school day. that was the cherry on top to my horrible day. he said hes in this ladies office (i feel so bad for forgetting her name) which means he was skipping class and talking to her to kill time. i said ok and walked there, once i saw his face i instantly got a smile and felt my cheeks redden. is that even a word? sorry.

the only word i said was hi and he put his arm around me and kissed my forehead while playing with my other hand. i caught him looking at me multiple times. i just looked at the ground, still feeling tired and sad. he walked me to my class and hugged me tight, he said "i love you" and i said "i love you" and walked our separate ways.

the classes went by slowly and dance being my first class made me feel more energetic and talkative.

im too tired to type the rest now but basically my day went from horrible to great.

me and my boyfriend went to walmart and messed around, my dad only thought we were going to mcdonalds but we sneakingly went to walmart before. i really needed some time with him since we dont have any classes or lunches together and have such little time in the morning and after school to hang out. i asked jose to check the time on his phone and it said 5:40. ITS BEEN MORE THAN AN HOUR WHAT IF MY DAD TEXTED. he gets so mad when i dont reply in under a second when hes picking me up from somewhere. i checked my phone and he didnt even text so i was like OMG THANK YOU. and he didnt tell me an exact time he would be there he just said "whenever i get there" that scared me.

we were about leaving when my dad texted and said hes on his way. walmart is across the street from mcdonalds so i was like kk i was just charging my phone at walmart it was at 1%. and he said to start walking.

my plan single handily worked perfectly, i got to sneak to walmart and have some us time. and my dad wasnt mad at me when i walked up to his car. we then got food from the drive thru and i got more caffeine.

it was great.

thank you guys for reading i love yall.

hope u guys have a good school year.