hey, its sierra again. these chapters "outlet entry (insert number)" will be about me expressing my feelings about current situations im going thru. u dont have to read them, u can skip past them if u'd like. i just need somewhere to spill my emotions out.
my grandpa is intelligent. what once was a shed turned into his own "studio". hes a very eccentric person too. he makes art when he's feeling creative. what he mainly does is researches everything about everything in his studio. he has characters hes made out of things he finds on the street. he grows cannabis in several places all over their(my grandparents') ginormous back yard. he is a conspiracy theorist like me, he teaches me of the things he's read and researched. hes really cool. even tho he knows so much stuff about health he smokes and drinks every day.
(HE DIDNT DIE THATS JUST A FACT ABOUT HIM, HES STILL ALIVE)
one day he told me how watered down apple cider vinegar clears ur eyes by the acidic components inside of it. he gave me a bottle of it that he made for me and tested it out himself to tell whether it was too strong or not. he said if i kept taking those eye drops i wouldnt need glasses anymore soon bc my eyes would be clear. i said kk and thanked him for it.
i continued to take those eye drops he gave me every day for about a month until i started forgetting to do it.
if u listen to the news u may remember that a certain brand of eyedrops for red eyes got recalled.
eyedrops for red eyes r for people who smoke weed. i bought a cheap bottle from the store, i didnt have that much money left so i got a $3 one. they were CVS brand. i used those for a considerable amount of time. the only thing that mattered was that they worked and i never get caught smoking.
>lets call the eyedrops i got from my grandpa: eyedrops A
>red eye drops: eyedrops B
i got eyedrops A a long time ago, like 5 months or something.
i got eyedrops B somewhere around that time.
on the last day of school i borrowed my moms purse to carry things bc we werent aloud to bring our backpacks. i forgot to take the eyedrops B out of her purse. she knew they were mine, and she was not happy.
a couple weeks after she found eyedrops B my dad told us about the news of the recall.
guess the fuck what. it was the eye drops i purchased.
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now that u know that context i can tell the story.
my vision has gotten worse and worse ever since ive been taking those eyedrops(both). but when i put on my glasses i see perfect. so what the fuck?
i texted my parents today that i have all the symptoms of cataracts, and that my vision is getting very blurry. my mom got very angry that i was saying that and said she would take me to an eye specialist.
she called me and told me shes pissed, and shes throw away eyedrops A. she said i cant believe everything i read on the internet. i told her pop (my grandpa) researched it and puts it in his eyes too. she started blaming me.
she said how i need to leave myself alone. how im never happy with myself. i said tf where did u get that from? how could u even assume im not happy with myself? and she told me how i dyed my hair and i was taking eyedrops A and stuff. how i want my hair black instead of my natural blonde. i said is there a problem with me liking my hair a certain way?? what does that have anything to do with eyedrops that insisted on giving me clear vision?? she made me feel like shit. she always assumes everything. she finds ways to blame everything on me all the time. my mood changed from fine to mad. the silent treatment kind of mad. she started taking back everything she was saying and said she didnt mean it. shes just worried and angry. none of that mattered bc i was already hurt. she said "im sorry. i love you" i said "ok." she said "i love you" and i said ".. i love you too" and hung up.
that is why my day turned shitty.
i havent been sad for a long time, so i didnt know how to cope with my mom assuming and blaming me like she always did.
i downloaded a bunch of games and im going to listen to music. hopefully that will get my mind off of it.
