The Fangirl that Saved the World

Chapter 12

Natalie's POV

I was so shocked. It all made sense. Why Bucky looked so guilty whenever he called me doll, how he never made a move, how hurt Steve looks when I see him. It all adds up.

Maybe before I lost my memory I forgave Steve. If I could do it them, I could do it now. And I will.

If other me fell in love with Steve Rogers even after I knew he screwed up and broke my heart, I can at least forgive him. I'm not ready to be in love with him yet. In all honesty, I don't think I can be with either of them now.

I can only imagine the torture Steve went through. He still loved me and let me be on my own with his best friend. That's the Steve Rogers I know and love.

Dang, maybe I am in love with him.

Ugh, this is complicated.

"I'm sorry, Nat. We should've told you. I should've told you, but I didn't know if Steve wanted to. We haven't really spoken much since you woke up. He looked too hurt to talk to me. God, I screwed up," he scolds himself.

I stop him with a peck on the lips and he stares at me in shock.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"Just because I don't remember my relationship with Steve doesn't mean I love you any less. I think part of me loves you both. I hate him. Actually no. I hated him. Now, I'm starting to think otherwise."

"I know, doll. I know. I'm sorry for putting you in the situation," he sighs and looks away from me.

"No, it's not your fault, Buck," I shake my head.

"It is though!" He shouts and stands from his place on the bed.

"I came onto you when you were with Steve. I kept forcing myself on you. Hell, I was the one who made you lose your memory!"

"That wasn't you! They told me the soldier attacked me!" I shouted back.

"I'm the soldier, Nat!"

A smack rang through the room. I left a small, red handprint on his left cheek that was already starting to fade. He looked back at me with a glare, but also partly impressed.

"James Buchanan Barnes. I don't give two shits what you did in your past. I love you now."

"Doll, I - "

"No, I have to go apologize to Steve. I love you, but I need some space."

I walk away before his perfect eyes can change my mind.

I walk to Steve's room and knock. I wait for the door to open and I can feel the tears in my eyes. When the door opens, Steve looks at me and then down at his feet. I just ran into his stiff body and wrap my arms around him. He seems shocked, but he eventually hugs me back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," I start to cry.

"It okay," he says softly.

I can feel his chest vibrate and he speaks and he holds me tighter. It's as if he doesn't what to let go.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask and step away from Steve.

"I didn't want to hold you back. I knew by the way you looked at each other that something like this would happen. I wanted you to be happy even if it meant I would lose you."

"Steven Grant Rogers. How did I manage to be so stupid?" I ask through my sobs.

"Hey, you're not stupid," he said and wiped away my tears with his thumb.

"I hate that I hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, love."

"I loved you and I feel like I still do. I wanted to hate you, but I can't. I really do love you. I know that's really hard to believe with my current situation. I know that I loved you before I came here and if I fell in love with you in this world, those feelings are real. This sucks. I can't love both of you. It's not fair to either of you. I think I just need some space."

"It's okay. Take your time," he smiles down at me.

"Thank you for the daisies. I'm sorry I don't remember anything about us. I wish I did," I say softly and he nods.

"I know," he said with tears in his eyes.

"Steve, can I ask you something before I go?"

He nods, so I try to find the right words.

"Did we ever, you know?"

Geez, I can't even say it.

Steve laughs to himself and looks at me as I stand in the doorway.

"Nope, we agreed to take things slow."

"Okay, good. Sorry, I just needed to know."

I walk out of the room and back to mine. Part of me knew that he was lying, and part of me didn't want to believe it. I don't even remember our first anything. I wish there was some way I could get my memories back. I would anything.

Steve's POV

I didn't tell her. I couldn't tell her. She was broken enough knowing that we loved each other. I can't tell her that she slept with me.

It would crush her.

I spent the rest of the day to myself knowing that Natalie would be locked up in her room anyway.

Today was probably the worst birthday she ever had.

And it's all my fault.