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The war changed most of us. It made the soft men hard and the hard men colder. No one was surprised by this. The change was inevitable. You can't see the death and destruction like those men did and not be changed by it. Most of them suffered in silence. Consumed by nightmares of their former selves still stuck on the front lines the only escape was them screaming themselves awake in a cold sweat. Birmingham changed because of this. It became a place plagued with secrets kept in the shadows. No one knows fear like a man trying not to flinch as they stare down the barrel of a gun. No one knows fear like a man running from the peaky blinders.
I walked into the garrison mentally preparing myself for the conversation I was about to have with Thomas Shelby. My older brother had been found dead. Two bullets in his chest and one in his head. I knew this wasn't a random act of violence. When he returned home I didn't recognize him...I swear the poor boy didn't even recognize himself. The spring in his step and the sparkle in his eye was nowhere to be found. Instead he spent his time drinking and gambling. The more he drank, the more he lost making way for quite a number of enemy's. His debts had now caught up to him. Any help the Shelby family offered him he had quickly refused claiming he was prepared to sleep in the bed he made for himself. I was not and although I was not surprised my heart still broke. I was now the soul survivor of the long line of Halliwell children. It made me feel like an animal on the brink of extinction.
"Evening Harry," I tipped my hat towards the bartender a soft smile painting itself on his lips as he poured my usual whisky and pointed towards the private room in the back. Thomas was already sitting there waiting for me. A smoke was placed between his lips as he scanned that days paper his eyes only looking up for a moment when my cup clinked on the table. "Thomas."
"Noel." He folded the paper neatly before squishing the end of his cigarette. "We're practically family young lady why is it you insist on being so formal with me?" He inquired pouring himself a glass of whisky.
"Old habits die hard Tommy. You know this." His eyebrows raised as he shook my head. "You look well."
"I found the man who killed your brother. He met the same fate as Benjamin did. Your family has known mine since before you were born I think it goes without saying that you will be under the eye of the peaky blinders especially considering your relationship with John." I choked on my liquor causing it to burn my throat even worse than it already had. "Don't play dumb Noel we both know you'll be attached to the Shelby name soon enough. Then calling you my little sister won't just be a formality." I felt myself blush thinking about John. Tommy was right me and his brother were involved, but despite Johns attempts to parade me around town I liked to keep our affairs private. I knew the danger attached to the Shelby name, but the older I got the more I came to realize I did not fear the risks. "Let's go join the rest of the family." Tommy stuck his arm out for me to wrap mine around and lead me back out into the bar. Sure enough the whole Shelby clan was sitting at their usual table laughing along with one another. Ada jumped up out of her seat running towards me.
"Thank god you're here! They practically outnumber Pol and I!" She hugged me tightly making sure I sat down next to her instead of across from her with John. John rolled his eyes before attempting to kick his sister under the table and hitting my shin instead. I shot him a glare making his cheeks go pink.
"You realize it was me you kicked," I scolded.
"Well if my sista wouldn't steal ya away all the time it wouldn't of happened," he frowned. "Don't ya worry I'll make it up to ya later," he winked and it was my turn to blush. The table fell back into idle conversation. Arthur ran off to dance with any women who said yes. Ada went to flirt with a cute man in the corner and Tommy and Pol went into hushed conversation on the other side of the booth. "Shall we go love?"
"Only if ya dance with me first John Shelby," I hopped out of my seat not leaving him time to answer. He pulled me in close as the music slowed. His hands fitting around me like a glove as I snuggled close to him. "Moments like this make me forget the bad." I mumbled looking up at him. He nodded knowingly.
"I plan to always make you feel this way ms Halliwell, and that's a promise," he kissed the top of my head as the music switched leading me outside, but before we could get very far a commotion in the bar had John running back inside. "Hells going on in er'?" John yelled marching towards Arthur who was punching the man Ada was flirting with earlier. John pulled Arthur off of him as Ada screamed at her brothers and rushed to my side.
"Arthurs a drunk the man was just being friendly. I swear I'll never find a man thanks to these lot," Ada complained.
"Don't fucking touch our sister again do ya understand ya bloody scoundrel!" Arthur spit as John pulled him toward the exit shooting me an apologetic smile.
"Let's go home Ada. I'll make tea," I pulled her towards the car not giving her time to argue.
— Pol was waiting up for us when we all piled into the house. She shook her head at the sight of Arther. He had a cracked lip and a shit eating grin on his face. Of course Ada was radiating anger as I pushed her towards the kitchen so we could sit up with Pol. "You not coming to bed then?" John asked leaning against the doorway disappointment painted over his face.
"I'll be there in a bit," I walked over to him kissing him softly. "I must mend broken hearts first."
"And what about my broken heart hmm?" John questioned placing his hand under my chin so I was looking right at him.
"Don't be such a child John boy. Go make sure your brother doesn't break anything else," I kissed him again feeling the smirk on his lips before I pulled away. "Now Pol it seems our Ada here isn't very good at picking sutters or at least her brothers don't think so," I explained sipping my tea.
"Do not they're just hard headed saying no ones ever good enough," Ada argues.
"That's because no one is," Pol contributed. "Besides are you not shaking up with Freddie Thorne. Why does that man from the bar even matter?"
"Appearances Pol! I got to keep up with appearances!" Ada argued. "Noel gets it!"
"And how exactly do I get it?" I snapped back my mouth growing dry. I knew exactly what she meant, but I needed to hear it out loud. Maybe then I could throw it away. Maybe then I would not fear the Shelby name so terribly. After all it wasn't like I was just becoming attached to them I had been attached long before I even knew how to speak.
"For a women so hopelessly in love you do tend to keep very quite about it." Ada commented earning a slap upside from Polly.
"No Pol she's right, but that's going to change. There's nothing to fear about being attached to the Shelby name. Really I should be more afraid of my own...us Halliwell's are dropping like flies and whose to say I'm not next?"
