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If there is a god I have not met him, but I know for a fact that I have met the devil. He has eyes as blue as the ocean and his lips rarely form a smile. He wears a cap with a razor blade sewn in the brim and is never seen without a cigarette in hand. This man is convinced nothing can kill him, but that is only because he will kill himself, and when he dies he will be cold and alone wondering why he made the choices that brought him there. Why he betrayed the people he loves and why he despite all his efforts not to be he still ended up buried in the mud. His name is Thomas Shelby and I will never forgive him for this.
"I'll see you in another life won't I Pol," my voice was hoarse from my lack of speaking as I stood waiting to die. In moments a noose would be strung around my neck and the floor under my feet would vanish. This was the end to a life I had barely lived. "Thank you for being a mother to me." I closed my eyes and waited. "I love you, you old broad."
"I love you too Noel." I could hear a strain in her voice and it almost made me want to open my eyes but this wasn't how I wanted to see Polly for the last time so I squeezed my eyes shut tighter causing tears to escape. "And of course I'll see you in another life."
"As John would say." I took a deep breath. "In the bleak midwinter."
—— Christmas Eve —— "I was thinking we would go see Pol tomorrow," I placed a hand on my stomach as I leaned against the doorframe. John was sat on a blanket in the living room playing with Alina who was giggling uncontrollably. Her pudgy little cheeks turned pinker each time John made a different face. This was the dream. John, me and our baby girl living out in the country. Birds chirping and no smog as far as the eye could see, but no matter how hard we tried this wasn't home. No home would always be small heath each Shelby a few blocks walk away. "Last time I saw her she was in quite the state. Going on about the new baby being a boy and how all Shelby men are cursed to die." I couldn't keep the sadness out of my voice as I tried to ignore the unsettling feeling that visit had left me. "I worry she might need to be in an institution."
"We all could use an institution love," John tried to joke. Noticing I wasn't impressed he changed his tune. "I'm not sure leaving homes a good idea right now. I got a black hand in the mail. Till I get on the phone with Arthur I want you inside at all times do you understand."
"I understand, but on one condition," I laced my arms around his neck so I could run my hands through his hair. "You have to stay inside with me."
"I think I could do that." He kissed me softly. "So Pol thinks this little ones a boy?" John quickly changed the subject pulling away so he could bend down and talk to my small bump. "We are going to have our hands full if he is anything like me."
"I'm okay with that." I chuckled. "We've survived so much already. We can survive a mini you no problem."
