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Like every little girl I had dreamt of my wedding, but in my dreams, my father was still alive. He would be trying his best to hold back tears as he walked his baby girl down the aisle. My mother would be fussing over my hair complaining that whoever did it could have tried harder in an attempt to calm her nerves that were caused from having to go home to an empty house. It would be a day full of laughter and drinking as my brother started off a speech with empty threats towards my new husband. It was a dream that would never be fulfilled. Not entirely. The only part that stay true to that dream was John, and he was going to have to be enough. In many ways he was. I loved him with every ounce of love I had in me, but no matter how hard I tried to smile over wedding deals Polly was throwing at me a small pain crept into my heart. Some things would just never be.
"Spill what's bothering you," Ada demands slapping her hand on top of mine to catch my attention. "And don't just say you're tired, or nothing because I won't buy it."
"Just thinking about things that could have been," I reply running a hand through my hair. "I can't help but miss them all when I think about marrying John. Benjamin and dad would have loved to be there I know they would have." I smile weakly. "I'm not sure if my mother would have been but that doesn't matter."
"Do you miss her?" Ada asked cautiously.
"The idea of her." I admit. "But it's hard to miss someone who leaves you with no regard to your well being. I'm bitter about it and I know I shouldn't be."
"I think you have every right to be." Ada pipes up. "You needed her. People shouldn't leave when you need them." I placed my hand on my best friend's cheek wiping away the tears she was crying for me.
"I don't need her though. Not anymore. I have all of you."
"Yes you do. Now let's go get a drink. You deserve it after all this nonsense." She grabs onto my hand pulling me out into the cold night. We pull our jackets close to us as we hurriedly walk towards the garrison. Our conversation quickly turns light hearted as we reminisce about our childhoods. About all the times we stole Polly's liquor and got her brothers blamed for it. Or the times we would sneak out her bedroom to go to a party. We were sure Polly caught on eventually, but she never once mentioned it. Instead she would just shake her head when she would catch us giggling and call us partners in crime.
"Ada do you know that women?" I stopped her pointing towards the woman pacing in front of the bar. She had long blonde hair and young features, but she couldn't have been much over 45 if that.
"No I don't think so? Maybe she's new to town." Ada suggested pulling me closer. I nodded trying to shake the feeling that I had seen her somewhere before, but the closer we got the more I recognized her face.
"Noel? Noel is that you." The woman's voice shook me to the core as she reached to touch my cheek. Her deep brown eyes met mine and for a split second I saw my future self. "Noel Halliwell?"
"I'm sorry you have the wrong person," I stammered backing away from the women. I ran towards the bathroom the minute we walked into the bar and threw up everything I had eaten that day. It felt like I had just seen a ghost, but that wasn't possible because the person I had just ran into was very much alive even though she had been hidden from my life for years. "Ada that was her." I mumbled.
"Who? Who was it Noel?" Ada asked worriedly squatting down beside me.
