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"No matter what happens I'll be here right beside you okay," Johns voice excluded reassurance as he squeezed my hand a little too tightly. I could tell the middle Shelby boy was at his wits end as we waited for the doctor to return. Despite me begging Polly not to worry John with this she went back for him. I was thankful for that. Polly did often know best. "We will have children one day. If you want though it's no pressure."
"John, love I need you to breath okay," I hummed adjusting so I was sitting up in the bed. The smell of bleach and antiseptic flew into my nose again making me feel nauseous.
"It feels as if I can't though. It feels as if the air has left my lungs," I looked at my husband and for the first time in years I saw him cry. For the first time in years John Shelby was helpless and even though my heart was already breaking this caused it to break even more.
~~~~~ "I think you need to tell him now," Ada hummed as we say at the breakfast table waiting to all load up and take our brothers to the train station. "Just incase."
"Incase of what?" I questioned knowing she meant incase he didn't come back from this war. For all we knew none of them would be returning home. No matter how badly we wished they would there was a chance this war would leave our family's in tatters. "And if he doesn't take it well then what Ada?"
"He will take it well though. As much as I don't understand why out of all the men you have to pick from I can see it. Hell a blind man could see it. You and my brother are perfect for one another. Bloody perfect." She kissed my hand before shooing me out of the kitchen. I searched the house before finally finding John walking out in the garden. A toothpick was rested in his lips and he was kicking at the dirt looking as if he was lost in thought. It was now or never.
"John!" I waved at the boy running towards him. A small smirk played at his lips before they turned into a frown his arms snaking around my small frame. I could feel my shoulder growing damp as he nuzzled against me. He was crying. He was scared. "I need to tell you something."
"You can tell me anything Noel you know that," he whispered quickly drying his eyes in hopes I didn't notice his minor breakdown.
"I'm going to be waiting for you when you come back," I blurted wishing I had rehearsed more in my head.
"You're my best friend I would hope so," John laughed completely missing what I was saying.
"I'm going to be waiting because I'm in love with you John Shelby and I don't want to be just your friend any longer." He didn't say anything instead he scooped me up in his arms and kissed me as gently as he could.
"Thank fuck because I'm in love with you to." ~~~~~ "Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you?" I questioned. John nodded in response his eyebrows knitting in confusion. "I was petrified of what you would say in response, but I knew no matter if you felt the same I would still have you in some way John. As my lover or my friend. I was content with either."
"What are you getting at?"
"If you are my husband and the father of my children or just my husband you will be enough. Don't ever question that. You and I John we can get through anything."
