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I would have taken my nightmares over the day I had waiting for me. Planning my older brothers funeral was something I never thought I would have to do. In truth I didn't know where to start. Did I need to write some sort of speech? Was I supposed to talk about how he was a good man? Was I supposed to call him loved? Was I supposed to call it a shame what the war did to him or was it simply acceptable for me to sit there and break in front of the many people who knew him. I hadn't cried since they returned from the war. I didn't think I deserved to when I got to see the men I loved again and so many others didn't. Also the new lifestyle I was apart of didn't have much room for weakness so I grew to adapt to the new hardened Bermingham, but maybe a funeral was an exception. I wasn't sure, and I wasn't about to ask.
"How is it you aren't hungover," Ada groaned sitting next to me at the table. She stared at the piece of paper I had been scribbling on her brows furrowing as she placed her head in her hands. "I want to apologize, my comments last night were not kind. You're my best friend I think maybe I was jealous that you're able to love John in public when I'm not able to do that with Freddie."
"No apologies needed," I assured her squeezing her hand. "I think you were right I should not fear having my love in the open. In truth maybe I am scared once it is it will no longer just be ours. I know how rumours travel in small heath. Hell you and I have often been the main entertainment for this town's gossip with no real proof to the stories they share our whole lives."
"It's because we are women who take charge and don't let men control us!" Ada grinned cursing the volume of her own voice.
"I'll drink to that," I laugh.
"But I do understand the enjoying just having the relationship to yourselves. Maybe that's why I haven't told my brothers." Ada frowned.
"Told your brothers what?" It was John's voice that made Ada's eyes almost pop out of her head. I quickly jumped to my feet gliding towards the second youngest Shelby brother and staring up at him arms crossed. His 5'10" stature was enough to tower over my smaller 5'6" frame as we stood there glaring at each other for no reason"What? What I do?"
"You snored like a freight train in my ear all night. Ada and I were discussing how I should leave you for her instead. Would probably sleep more soundly that way," I sassed causing him to shake his head and the pick me up throwing me over his shoulder.
"Oi! I'm having none of that you're mine Noel Halliwell! Both ya best not forget that," he carried me all the way to the front door before setting me down and connecting our lips. The kiss was full of hunger and I could sense neither of us wanted to part ways but Tommy would have Johns Head if he was even a minute late. "Neither of us will be sleeping tonight." He winked.
— I had decided to run my errands for Benjamin's funeral by myself, yet here Polly was complaining that I was taking to small of steps to keep up with her. She kept telling me this was not a task to do alone. In fairness she may have been right it was easier having her here but our mundane conversation did nothing to block my intrusive thoughts. "Pol," I gently grabbed the older women's arm making her stop in front of a local dress shop. In Front of me stood the most beautiful forest green silk dress. It looked as if it would have hugged every curve perfectly without taking too much away from one's imagination. The sleeves laid just off the manicans shoulders and the bodice was cut in the most beautiful sweetheart neckline. It was the perfect dress. I just didn't know what for. "Pol I want you to try it on." I instructed shoving her inside the small shop. She gave me a strange look as I stuck my bottom lip out like a child.
"That dress has no place on an older women like me," Pol scoffed. "Now on you." She smirked waving over to the seamstress. "My lovely Noel would like to try the dress from the window," she pushed me forward gently as the seamstress eyed me excitedly. Quickly the women ran to the window grabbed the dress and pulled me into the curtained room. Before I could even process what was happening I was being zipped into the dress my heart pounding a mile per minute as I walked out to show Pol. "My nephews a lucky man." She beamed. "We'll take it how much?"
"On the house!" The lady announced. "That dress was clearly made for her I can't charge for it."
"Nonsense how much?" I insisted but was ignored and shoved back into to change. "Please let me pay you."
"Miss every girl who has eyed that dress and put it on didn't look half as good as you did in it. I saw this dress in a dream and had to make it so please fulfill that dream for me miss because I will not take no for an answer." She ushered us out as I spilled out thank you after thank you a heavy blush coating my cheeks as Polly began to drag me back around town.
"Pol where the hell am I going to wear this?" I asked staring at the garment bag.
"We'll throw a party at the garrison!" Polly beamed. "If John wasn't such a dunce I would say an engagement party, but he likes to take his sweet ass time."
"Where did that come from Pol," I playfully hit the arm but the older women just shrugged pulling me into the bar for a quick drink before we continued shopping.
— The street lights were on by the time Polly and I made it home. Everything was in place for Ben's funeral I was going to have the chance to say goodbye even though I wasn't ready to. Pol retreated to bed as soon as we made it home and after I unpacked our days purchases I decided to head down to the Garrison. The small bar was packed tight like a sardine can as I made my way to the bar to help out an exhausted Harry. "You need to get a barmaid," I shouted over the drunk men signing. "I can fill in till ya find the right girl, but Harry you can't keep doing this alone." I scolded. After a little bit of arguing Harry let me help him clear the rush. Soon all the patrons were happily topped off and back in there seats. "Tommy back there?"
"Yeah go on, thanks for the help. Bottles on me," he handed me Irish whisky and pushed me into the back room where I found a half drunk Tommy Shelby.
"Well well how are you beautiful," his eyes were glued to the bottle in my hand. He handed me his glass and the extra one he had been hoarding patting the seat beside him telling me to join.
"I need to know something Tom, and want the truth." I got straight to the point my mouth growing dry at how blunt I was being. "Who did it. Who was my brother in debt with so badly that he got killed?"
"The Lee's Noel. Our little Benjamin got into bed with the Lee's and now we've started a war." Tommy placed his hand on the side of my face brushing away the single tear I let escape. "I'm dealing with it. No one will harm you that's a promise I intend to keep no matter the cost."
