Choosing My Heart's Direction (1D FanFic)

I'm Okay

(A/N): Sorry for so much crazy drama, but it'll all come to a point, I promise!

Alexis P.O.V.

We were back on the bus, leaving the windy city behind and heading west. I wished that I could have just left all my problems back in Chicago, but no such luck.

"So we have a quick appearance in this next city and then we have the night off before we have to leave in the morning. Anyone up for clubbing?" Liam asked, looking up at all of us gathered around.

I'd been miserable for the past few days, and the boys had definitely picked up on it. This was probably Liam's attempt at making me forget that we'd slept together. Too bad that wasn't all I needed to forget.

"Yeah!" Louis and Zayn both cheered. Niall grinned, unable to speak due to the large piece of pizza that was shoved in his mouth.

Harry snuck a glance in my direction before giving Liam a weak smile. He was definitely thinking about the last time we'd gone clubbing just a few nights ago.

The boys all turned for my answer, which, like Harry, I responded to with a weak smile.

"So it's settled," Liam grinned.

--------

I sat in the booth, quietly nursing a soda. Louis was stationed next to me, trying to figure out what was wrong without being obvious about it. I didn't blame him. I'd been extremely distant the last few days, and I desperately needed to at least pretend everything was fine if I was going to avoid questions for much longer.

"Sure you don't want to dance?" Louis asked for the tenth time, his foot bouncing under the table.

He'd had more than a bit to drink already, so he was easily buzzed.

"Just go dance, Lou. I'm tired. I'll stay here, okay? Go have fun."

He looked me over, debating with himself. "Are you sure?"

"Completely. Go ahead, Louis," I said, adding a smile at the end to make it more convincing.

He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and quickly darted out to the dance floor.

I sighed, lightly sipping my drink. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, scrolling through Twitter to entertain myself. I realized I hadn't tweeted in a few days, so decided to send something out.

@LexLoooves1D: night out with the boys! loving life on the road :)

Sure it was cheesy, but the fans practically lived for that kind of thing.

I scrolled through some of my mentions, replying here and there. It was ridiculous, the amount of followers I had just because I was dating Louis Tomlinson.

As I was scrolling, my phone vibrated and indicated me of one new text from "J". I quickly glanced around to find nobody watching me, so I opened the text.

From: J

meet me outside, dollface

I gulped, my eyes widening. Not now. This could not be happening right now.

I stood up shakily, making sure none of the boys were around. Knowing Josh, he'd probably be out back, so I headed for the back.

I found a back door and crept outside, making sure now to draw attention to myself. As soon as I was out the door, two large hands grabbed me.

"There you are, dollface," Josh cooed, pulling me away from the door and farther down the dark alley. His breath reeked of alcohol.

"Josh, please," I pleaded.

"What? I haven't even done anything yet," he grinned, slurring his words slightly. A drunk Josh was a very dangerous thing and I had plenty of experience to know that.

He dragged me farther down the alley until we emerged on a slightly larger street. Directly in front of us was a large, black van. It reminded me of the one the boys had kidnapped Car, Jas, Abby, and I in during our prank war. That felt like so long ago, especially considering all that's happened since.

Josh opened the back door of the van, and quite literally threw me inside. I fell on the ground, quickly shrinking against the wall as Josh climbed in, shutting the door behind him.

"You've been a very, very naughty girl, Lex."

I gulped, my eyes widening in fear as he crept closer to me.

"You thought you could sleep around and just leave little Joshy out? Now, now, Lex. We both know that's not how it works." Even though his words were slurred, they were still filled with venom, making me shiver as he crept so close I could feel his warm breath on my cheek.

"Now, it's my turn," he sneered. There was nothing I could do as he closed the gap between us, pinning me to the floor and crashing his foul tasting mouth onto mine.

--------

I was shoved out of the van and onto the hard pavement. I quickly got to my feet, adjusting my dress and making sure my hair looked at least semi-normal. A few silent tears rolled down my face as the van quickly sped away, leaving me alone.

I wiped away the tears and inhaled a few, deep breaths. I was okay. I would not let Josh ruin me. Not now, not ever.

Feeling relatively better, I made my way back to the door I had come out of. As I walked, I checked my exposed arms for bruises. Even in Josh's drunken state, he had done a fairly good job of being careful not to leave bruises.

I crept back in the door, the loud music pounding in my ears as I navigated back to the table I had abandoned only a few minutes ago.

"Lex! Where have you been?" Niall called, smiling at me from his seat at the booth.

"Bathroom," I lied quickly. He nodded, raising his beer to me before taking a large swig.

I slid into the booth. I was okay. Nobody even knew I was gone. I would be okay.

------

I quietly moved around the kitchen, careful not to make any noise. After our night at the club last night, it was more than likely the boys were all majorly hungover, and would need as much sleep as possible.

I made sure there was plenty of hot coffee ready for them before getting to work on cooking some eggs. Today was a day on the bus and the boys had a concert this evening. So they would have all day to recover, which was definitely a good thing.

I finished up the eggs and served myself a plate, getting lost in my thoughts. I could hardly think straight after everything that had happened in the past few days. Everything sort of floated around like mush. My thoughts were stars I couldn't fathom into constellations.

I mindlessly scooped the eggs into my mouth, trying to form any kind of coherent thought, but not achieving much.

I heard some shuffling and quickly spun my head around to find a very disshelved Louis slowly entering to kitchen area.

"Good morning," I greeted gently.

"Morning," he groaned, his hand on his head.

I gave him a sympathetic smile and quickly jumped up, grabbing him a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs.

He thanked me and quickly downed the coffee, scarfing the eggs.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a few minutes of silent eating.

I broke my stare with the wall and turned to him. "Y- yeah. Why?" I stuttered.

"Just seem kind of out of it," he shrugged.

"I'm okay," I lied, adding a reassuring smile. Louis believed me, a grin on his face. It felt like we were both becoming worse and worse at reading each other. I almost never knew what he was thinking anymore.

"I'm glad," he added, kissing my nose lightly.

The act was sweet, but it just didn't bring about those same butterflies it used to.

I needed to get my thoughts under control, and I needed to do it soon.