The Three Nerima Stooges (Your Lie in April comedy AU fic, COMPLETE)

Misadventures in Maintenance

Meanwhile, back up on the roof of the business, there were Kaori and Tsubaki, figuring out how access the bell. Kaori, somewhat annoyed and impatient, said "Dammit, where's Watari with that chainsaw?" Tsubaki replied "How should I know, Kaori?" Kaori then said "Well, come on, let's try to pry this thing off...." Kaori got out a crowbar and put it in the shutters of the bell. "All right, we'll get this done the right way. Watch yourself. Wedge it....." Unfortunately, their attempts of opening the shutters with the crowbar were unsuccessful. "Well, jeez. This is quite a tough nut to crack... we're getting nowhere fast."

Just then, something dawned on Kaori. "Wait a minute. Lightbulb! Hey, Tsubaki, grab that sledgehammer. On the count of three, hit down on this thing." Tsubaki got the sledgehammer nearby and said to Kaori "You got it." She had it at the ready as Kaori tried again to open the shutters with the crowbar. "Starting to get a half a brain in my skull here." Kaori then pulled down on the crowbar, saying as she did this "One, two, three....."

As Kaori said "three", Tsubaki then slammed the sledgehammer on the crowbar, only to accidentally hit Kaori's left hand. "OW, JEEZ! TSUBAKI, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE HITTING THAT THING!" Tsubaki then said, "Sorry, Kaori, it was an honest mistake. Honest!" Kaori then said "Oh, that's okay, kid. Mistakes can happen in the best of families. This sledgehammer is probably just a tad off-kilter....." Tsubaki said "Yeah, it did feel a little funny....." Kaori then said, "Here, let me have a look....." and got the sledgehammer from Tsubaki. Tsubaki said "Yeah, I know what you..." Before she could say any more, Kaori then hit Tsubaki with the sledgehammer. "OW! MY NECK!" Tsubaki shouted. Kaori slapped Tsubaki, and said "How do you feel now?" Tsubaki said "Good...." Kaori smacked Tsubaki once more. "Come on. What's the matter with you? Quit wasting time!"

In one of the offices of the bakery/orphanage, the Arimas and Miyazonos were briefed by Shigeru Arima about the state of their operation.

Takahiko Arima said.... "And there's nothing else we can do about this business, brother?" Shigeru said "I am afraid not. This business is heading on an unsustainable path." Ryoko Miyazono chimed in with "Un-what?!" Shigeru repeated himself. "Un-sustainable." Takahiko then ordered "Please send for Kaori Miyazono, Ryouta Watari and Tsubaki Sawabe. I better give them the news first...." Ryoko Miyazono then said "Yes, Mr. Arima. I hope you're also going to tell them who's responsible for this." Takahiko said "Oh, let's not play the blame game, Mrs. Miyazono. I'll just tell them what they need to know."

Back outside, after quite a bit of time, Ryouta Watari got the chainsaw as he got off a golf cart he was driving. He honked the horn of the cart a few times. As he got off and was about to climb the ladder to the roof, he made some chainsaw-esque noises. He then tied the chainsaw to himself, but unbeknown to him, the way he attached the chainsaw as he made his way up, he would unintentionally cut the ladder in half.

As Watari made his way up the roof, he announced to Kaori "I got the saw, Kaori!" By now, Kaori and Tsubaki had successfully opened the shutters that housed the bell. Kaori told Watari as she went up to him, "Yeah, well you're too late..." As she spoke, Watari put the chainsaw close to Kaori's face. This scared her, and she yelped "AIIIIIEEEE!" out in fear as the chainsaw was aimed so close to her face. "What's the matter with you? You trying to hurt someone? You think you're so smart, wielding that thing like you're freakin' LEATHERFACE?! Why, you..." As she admonished Watari, she ran the chainsaw up Watari's head; he wailed as the chainsaw was moving on his head by Kaori. Luckily, Watari's shaggy hair broke the chainsaw.

Kaori looked on in shock at the damaged chainsaw. "What the...?" Kaori said in shock. This was followed by a "Nyaaa-aaah! Now look at what you did, Watari! You realize that breaking the chainsaw on one's head isn't covered in the warranty on this thing?!" Watari then said "It's not my fault. It was a chain reaction on the saw. See? Saw!" Watari then snapped his fingers. Kaori snapped and said "Oh, a punster, eh? Where's that damn hammer? Give it to me!"

Watari pleaded with Kaori, "No, please, Kaori! No! Don't do it!" As the three were doing work, or at least trying to do what passes for work, Ryoko Miyazono then blew the air horn again, and then signaled to the three "Excuse me, guys!" They were just too busy, so they didn't hear Ryoko. Watari then said to Kaori, "No, no, Kaori! I'm a victim of circumstance!" Kaori then said, with the sledgehammer in her hands, holding it like a baseball bat, "I'll circumstance you, you stupid little.....!"

Kaori was about to hit Watari, but what happened instead the top of the sledgehammer landed one of the bell posts, flew off and landed in the bucket of water that was a few feet/meters from Ryoko. This incensed her. "Those morons..." Ryoko then tried to get their attention by climbing up the ladder, however, she was quick to notice that it had been (accidentally) sawed in half by Watari. "What the... the ladder? What happened to it?!" she said, as Watari and Kaori continued to mess around.

Meanwhile, Tsubaki, with a box full of donuts and a few cups of coffee right by her then told Kaori and Watari, "Hey! Quit horsing around, you two. You're disturbing my coffee break." Tsubaki was drinking some UCC canned coffee. The two then stopped playing around, and Watari excitedly said, "Oh, boy, donuts! Where's mine?" Kaori then said to Watari, as she picked up two donuts, "They're small. Why don't you have two?" "Okay..." replied Watari.

Kaori then shoved two of the donuts in Watari's ears, causing him to shudder and make chattering noises as she did this to him. After this was done, Kaori just giggled at Watari, saying to him after he removed the donuts from his ears "Look at you! You're an extra-terrestrial!" Watari then yelled at Kaori, "OH NOW, LOOK WHAT YOU DID, KAORI, YOU DIABOLICAL GIRL, YOU! YOU GOT DONUTS STUCK IN MY EARS!" Tsubaki then diverted their attention by saying "Hey, you guys, you're in luck! There's no need to bicker! They got a donut remover right here." Kaori asked Tsubaki "What the hell's a donut remover?"

Tsubaki smiled ear-to-ear and said, "It's one of these." Tsubaki then got out a tag that was on the bell; it actually said DO NOT REMOVE. "Doh-nut remove-uh." Tsubaki pointed to each part of the sign's word as she read it. Kaori, obviously being the smartest of the three, told Tsubaki "That is a DO NOT REMOVE sign, Tsubaki, you idiot!" Tsubaki fired back with "Oh, what do you know, Kaori? It's a typo!" Watari smiled and said "Heh, what are the odds of that?"

Just then, Ryoko called the three again, this time using a portable bullhorn. She turned it on, and said as she spoke into it "EXCUSE ME, KAORI, WATARI, TSUBAKI! MR. TAKAHIKO ARIMA WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU THREE!" Tsubaki said "Hang on, let me get it for you, Watari." Tsubaki then removed the DO NOT REMOVE tag and the bell came off. As the bell was falling, Kaori, Tsubaki and Watari made "Nyaa-aah!" and shuddering noises. As the bell came off the roof, it accidentally hit Ryoko Miyazono, causing her to drop her bullhorn and go down in a daze.

Just then, all three of them looked at Ryoko, who was just on the ground, dazed and confused. All three of them exclaimed in fear. "Wait a second.... was that your mother, Kaori?" Tsubaki asked. Watari then said "I don't know, but the face rings a bell!" Kaori then said to Tsubaki: "Dammit, Tsubaki! Can't you freaking read? That sign said DO NOT REMOVE, ya dummy! You just had to knock my mom out in the process, didn't you? Remind me to gouge your eyeballs out later." Tsubaki then said to Ryoko, "Don't move a muscle, Mrs. Miyazono. We'll be right there!"

Kaori then instructed her two friends "Come on, guys, hurry up! Get going!" Tsubaki told Kaori "Be careful, now...." Kaori tried to get down, but since the ladder was cut in half, she accidentally took down Tsubaki with her. As they came down, they fell down and body slammed Ryoko Miyazono in the process. Ryoko moaned. Watari wailed, as he was holding the sawed-off ladder as stilts, "Hey, Kaori. Hey, Tsubaki, you guys! Help me out here!" Kaori then said "What's the matter with....." Watari wailed, as he was about to come down "Call 100!!" (AUTHOR'S NOTE: That's the NTT operator phone number. He was confusing it with the 110 emergency number used in Japan.)

Kaori then said "Quick! Help me move my mom before Watari flattens her!" They did just that, but hey only aggravated the problem by hitting her head with a fire hydrant. Just then, Watari on the ladder stilts then fell down on Ryoko. "YEOWWWW!" Watari yelled as he came down. Kaori then instructed Tsubaki and Watari, "Watari, help out. Tsubaki, grab that bucket, splash some water on my mom!" Tsubaki then reached for the bucket of water, but the hammer part of the sledgehammer, hit Ryoko instead. Tsubaki then said "See, I told you there was too much iron in the water!"

Kaori then asked her dazed mother "Speak to me, mom. Say a few words!" The dazed Ryoko said "Is that your final answer? You've just won 20 million yen!" (AUTHOR'S NOTE: She's quoting the worldwide game show franchise Who Wants to be a Millionaire.) Tsubaki then said, "Well, my mom looks okay to me." Kaori then said, "Watari, Tsubaki. Let's go. I wonder what Kousei's father has to say to us....." The three then ventured to the front door of the business, to get some words from Takahiko Arima.