Journal

1

This is driving me crazy. I loved him. He promised me on several occasions that he would never break up with me and that he would always love me and that we could be together forever but here we are now. He probably has a crush on another girl already. He has probably moved on by now. I probably never cross his mind. The exact opposite is my case. I love him I miss him. We used to talk for hours every night and now that we don't I feel alone and I feel like no one wants to talk to me. I don't want to start conversations because I don't want to be that needy annoying friend but not talking to people and not venting my day to someone and hearing abt someone else's day is driving me insane. My thoughts are taking over. I can't stop it. I try to drown it out with music but as soon as the last note rings the thoughts come flooding in again. I'm never going to take him back because 1:he doesn't love me any more and 2:it's bad for me to love him. I miss him and wish I could have avoided this. I would have been fine if I said no the first time he asked to take me back. I would have been fine if I let him go last time but I'm an idiot and I just wanted him to love me. Now I'm empty. He filled the empty space in my heart. What did I do is the question that runs through my head. I love him. I hate that I love him. I hate that he won't attempt to stay friends with me. Our conversations are so dry and awkward. I don't want to be dry and awkward. I want to have a healthy friendship. I would be ok if we had a healthy friendship. He said that even though we were breaking up that doesn't mean he's gone but he is. He doesn't care about me in a friend way or a boyfriend way. I hate that he is always on my mind. He kissed me. He held me. He said he wasn't leaving but he did. Idk what I did. Idk why he left. Idk what made him decide this but here we are. I'm hurting. It's not his fault but he is the reason I am hurting. I can't stop thinking about him and I can't show him effection and He probably doesn't even remember what my voice sounds like. Now I put my fake face on and pretend like everything is ok so that he isn't hurt.