Journal

2

I'm getting better. I'm not bad but I'm not ok yet. The other day it was really hard to smile. I had to force myself to smile so that I can trick myself into thinking I'm actually happy. But my friends stepped in and as soon as I saw their faces I lit up. I hope they know how much they mean to me. They stay through the ups and downs. The mood swings and the bad days. Through the restless nights and stressful days. Through teary eyes and forced smiles. They have seen more of me then I have ever planned on letting people see. The only reason I let people read what I wrote last time was because I needed to tell someone that I am in pain. I didn't want it to be a worthless rant and neither did I want someone to yell at me or say I'm being melodramatic cuz I'm not I'm saying what is in my head. If what's in my head isn't told to someone it comes out through my actions and I will try with all I am to make sure that never happens because if I do I know people will hurt. And I will hurt more than I already do. I've said this many times but it's true, "My friends are the only reason I am alive." They keep me going. They are my reason to live. I'd die for them. Take a bullet to the head for them. If one of my friends are hurt and need something like a lung, or a heart, or a kidney, or a liver, or something, you best believe I'll be the first one to offer myself to them. They are more precious than anything this world can give me. I can't loose them. We fight sometimes but we never go to bed angry at each other. I love my friends. They do so much for me and I hope I can repay them someday.