The Love I Never Gave-Maylor

Proof

Few Days Later

My search for the real Brian failed. No sight of him and no signs of him coming back soon. I'd never see him again. I was so close, but it didn't work. All my fault, I'm always failing. I'm a failure and will always be one. Scars became harder to hide, almost impossible. 

Many slips ups through the past few days, every single one of them, Freddie and John becoming closer to finding out the truth. When they finally saw those scars, they would know I was weak, incapable of defending myself and never accept me for being me, covered in all these marks and internal wounds, injuries that dug deep into me, reaching my soul. 

Long sleeves got old. Seeing and wearing them everyday grew a hatred towards them, they'd always be rubbing against my skin and drumming becoming restricted, not to mention all the sweat that came along with it. Long sleeves didn't offer proper ventilation for these types of things. The paranoia got to me, heart always pounding and sweat covering my palms and back, filled with fear. The constant worries of knowing that if I made any wrong move, exposing my skin, and people seeing it, it would be all over. Breakfast, alone as usual. Nothing came into my mouth, except for the food I had gotten today, in case Freddie or John came in, not exposing my secret, but afterwards, the food waited to be thrown away, never to be seen again. Footsteps came into the room and I looked over to see who it was, Deacy.

"Oh, hi Rog, haven't seen you all day, are you doing okay?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine, never better."

John stood there, with an expression that said that he didn't believe me and gave off vibes. That screamed at me to prove myself.

"See?"

I bit into the blueberry muffin I had, chewing it and swallowing it to make sure he got the message that I was fine.

"Good to hear that you're fine, see you later!"

He turned around and walked out of the room. I shot up from my seat and checked if anyone was still around. Once no one was around, I ran into the restroom, horrible feelings churning up inside and let it all out, flushing it afterwards and cleaning my face off. At least I made my point clear. The door opened and I walked outside to be greeted by Freddie's presence. What was he doing here? Oh no...Throwing up produced a rather loud noise and he stood outside the entire time...he heard me. His face showed concern, eyes wide and and raised eyebrows, creating worry lines across his forehead. This was it, I had been caught, my secret was out.

"Roger are you okay? I heard coughing in there and it didn't sound good. Is anything wrong?"

I couldn't bear to lie to Freddie, but through gritted teeth, a lie escaped my lips on the spot.

"I'm fine, just feeling a bit sick, but I should be okay."

I went out of his way, never looking back as guilt built up inside of me. I lied to my friend, one of the only ones who truly cared about me. I could never forgive myself.

Freddie's POV

Roger brushed past me and went on his own way, never looking back or glancing at me. My stomach dropped and a prying pain in my chest beat hard. He lied to me, why? I knew him better than anyone and could read him as I wished, so telling apart his lies was self explanatory. The second that lie left his lips, I didn't believe it, not ever. He's a good liar at times, but overall nothing ever succeeded to phase me. 

Out of all the times I've been lied to, this one hit me in the feels. This was Roger who did it, my friend. Why would he lie about something so serious? If he hid something and felt the need to lie about it...this meant he didn't trust me. Where did I go wrong? I bothered him too much about his problems, that's it, I knew it always had to something with me. Breaths slowed down as heart beat faster and chills were sent down my spine. A layer of regret and betrayal came over me. If he didn't trust me enough to confess what was really going on, then who did he trust? Something told me he didn't believe himself either.