CALVIN

twenty-five: the kiss

"And was he saying anything when you came in? Was he... he responsive, in any way?"

I was standing outside the back door of the house, with Mr Taylor. I stared at him in the dark for a second, then said, "No. He was dead."

There was an uncomfortable, pressured silence between us. Then someone came bumbling up the grass. "Oh good, she's here," he said. "Elias, meet Ms Frederiksen-Colga. She is the... the disaster relief..."

"I'm just an old lady sniffing about," she filled in, jolliness in her voice. She reached out and rubbed my arm. "What a night. Elias, yes?" I nodded, shook her hand. "Some kids call me Ms Frederiksen-Colga, some Frau Frederiksen, some call me Laura. Whichever you prefer, I'm not picky. Now, you basically have three options right now. You can try to go to bed in your own room, we can find you some place else to sleep for the night, or you and I can have a little chat down in a quiet room over there?"

"I... I'm fine with going to bed," I said. "In... in my own room."

She rubbed my arm again. "Okay. Shall we talk in the morning then? Nothing serious, just a conversation. A little check-in. I'll pop by around brunch, then?" she was talking to Mr Taylor at this point. "And I'll try to get through the whole house, and anyone else he was friends with. I'll stay here the whole day, no point going back to the..."

"I'm gonna..." I was slipping away, and they didn't notice. I went back in the house. The rest of the boys, besides Nikita, who was on the phone in the kitchen, were grouped in the kitchen of a neighbouring house with a police officer and other members of staff. A police officer was coming down the stairs. "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" I shook my head. "You can use the upstairs, now. Aber do not remove the tape on the door to the shower." I nodded. He left the house, shutting the front door quietly behind him. Through the big window in the kitchen I watched him walk down the path and regroup with other medics and police officers.

I went to the sofa and flung the blankets off of Ana - I had covered her completely before anyone arrived at the house. Nikita stopped his Russian blabbering for a second to say "ahh!" at the sight of a girl in the room. She was awake. As I sat down on the edge of the sofa I was reminded of the blood and tangle of toilet paper and dish cloth I had left her in - the blood had soaked through the couch. "Shit - "

She looked down, noticing it too. She startled and sat up.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" I said hurriedly. "You should probably go, before you die. Because I feel like you're going to die, Ana, this is seriously not good. Does it hurt? Oh my God - "

She was still drunk, still half-asleep, her eyelids drooping. Still, she seemed to understand that she was in danger. Her face had shock and worry all over it. "I'm... I'm... Please... get me a tampon. Please."

I stared at her for a few seconds. "Oh." I said. "Oh. Oh, shit. Fuck - you're on your period..." for some sick reason, I nearly laughed. Then I started looking around for a tampon, as if I'd find one in our living room.

"Your room, please," she said, extending her arms to me. "Please bring me to your room."

"Right." I put her arms around my neck and lifted her from the sofa. I carried her up the stairs, trying hard not to breathe too heavily, past the taped-off shower room and into mine and Patrick's room. "Should I... put you on the floor?" She didn't answer me, and I felt bad, so I just put her on my bed. I went back to the hallway and yelled downstairs, "Nikita, do you have a tampon?!"

He stopped talking on the phone to say, "Elias, what the fuck is your problem?!" Then: "Check Leon's room!"

I ran downstairs and into Leon's room. Threw open his drawers, shuffled through his closet, looked in his organizer bins. I found a bit of Maria's clothes in one of his shelves, but no tampon. Going back to the hallway, I was about to sprint across the lawn to a girl's house and knock on one of their windows like a creep until I remembered: the shower drain.