CALVIN

thirty-four: the intruder

Patrick responded to our fight the way any self-respecting human would do. For the next few days he avoided our room, avoided me, and went about his business quietly and quickly. I only saw him very briefly in the mornings, as he flitted around the room throwing on his clothes, and very briefly at night, when he'd come in a minute before fluegelzeit. Then the lights would come off and he'd get into bed. Part of me wanted to be even angrier at him - isn't he doing what he said I was doing? Disappearing and pushing people away? Until I decided that Patrick wasn't wrong. He was never wrong.

I caught him at night, between him coming into the room and diving into bed. I'd put my lamp on so that even if he turned off the light it wouldn't be dark. As he sat on his bed untying his boots, I stood a few feet away from him and said, "You're right."

He looked up. I was afraid maybe he was shunning me, because he pulled his boots off, turned to the side and organised the books on his bed in a pile. Then he looked back. "I'm not."

"No, you're just saying that. Because you feel like you should be humble. But you know that you're right."

"I don't think life's that binary, Elias."

"What?"

"Rights and wrongs. Goods and evils. Who can tell the difference anymore? It's like everything falls on the fine line that separates them." he took a deep breath, and leaned forwards on his knees.

"What now?" I said.

"I don't know. I'm waiting for your call."

I sat down at my desk. There was half a muffin from vesper which I'd brought back which I hadn't finished. It was stale already. "Do you know Tim Wong?"

"What do you mean, do I know Tim Wong? Of course I know Tim Wong."

"I... Uh..."

"What? What does this have to do with our fight?"

"Because you said I don't tell you anything, and that's why I said you're right. Because I don't, and now I'm trying to tell you things." I bit my lip, held my breath and said, "I slept with him."

"You... what?"

"Because..." I realized then that that may have been the one thing I shouldn't have told him, because to explain it I'd have to explain the bruises on Tim's neck. "I was high," I said, "and he was sad."

"Well, that doesn't explain why you fucked each other!"

"I know! But... it's like you said. I can't go 24 hours without creaming on someone. There you go. Another thing you were right about."

He sat back on his pillows, which were always lined against the wall. "I didn't know Tim was gay."

"Surprise."

"So what'd you guys do?"

"Ew. I'm not telling you that."

He laughed a bit, then exhaled through his nose. "That it? Is that the only thing going on in your life?"

"Um, no," I said. How do I put this? "A few nights ago..."

"You went to Ms Vecoli's apartment. I know. Louisa and I were in the old campus late for MUN and we saw you going in."

I tried to swallow, my throat feeling very dry. Everything in my body was tense.

"You know..." Pat was saying, his accented voice cutting through the tense silence, "Ms Vecoli is forty years old."

"Of course I know that," I said quietly.

"But I think the more important thing is... that you're sixteen." there was a heaviness as well as a jitteriness in the room. I didn't want to think about what happened between Ms Vecoli and me. It was just a subject of strange feelings and discomfort. "But we don't have to talk about it," he continued. "We don't have to talk about anything, if you don't want to."