CALVIN

forty-three: the kid with the gun

Should I have told people where I was headed? Probably. But I was determined to keep my rendezvous with Marc a secret. It was only when I was on my way off campus that I bumped into Maddy, her arm linked with Olivia's. "Hey, Elias," she said, stopping on the path. "Where are you going?"

"Oh - I'm just - " I was pointing in the direction of nothing and didn't know how the explain going towards nothing.

"No, seriously, like... it's fricking cold. And it's Spring Break."

"Oh yeah, I know. But Marc wanted to meet me at the docks? We're gonna..." I cleared my throat, "smoke weed."

She nodded, and looked at Olivia. "Oh. Well, that's fun."

"Yeah."

"So are you spending Spring Break with him, then?"

"Oh - uh - no. Nah." awkward laughter. "I'm spending it with my housemates. Anyways. Yeah. Anyways, have fun."

"Okay, yeah," she said, walking off with Olivia. "You too." Sad smile.

Fuck, I should have said something to her. I should have asked her how she was.

...

The school docks on the lake were about a fifteen minute walk from campus. From the train tracks and road, you couldn't see the docks through the chain link fence and wild, overgrown shrubbery. It was a private place, and in this abrupt cold, no one was going to be there. Except Marc.

It was before I opened the gate that the gaping feeling in my stomach told me I needed some way to defend myself against whatever Marc had for me by the water. Why hadn't I brought a pocket knife, or something? I picked up a few heavy, tennis-ball-sized rocks and stuffed them in my denim jacket pockets, and my hoodie pocket underneath. Breathed into my hands to warm them up. Unlatched the gate. Walked inside. 

The dock was shaped like an L, the bottom line of the L furthest out on the water. Marc was standing there, looking out at the other side of the lake, which was Switzerland. I walked down the steps and onto the wood. I knew he could feel the dock shift as I walked down it, but he didn't turn around.

Did I believe Marc summoned me here to hurt me? To gang up on me with his boys for possibly thwarting him and his mum's entire operation? No. Marc didn't strike me as a violent person. I still couldn't shake the weird, uneasy feeling from my bones. And the closer I got to him, the harder I braced.

I stood opposite him. "Well, I came," I said, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice. "Now what?"

He sneaked a sideways look at me. We were both keeping our hands in our pockets. He cleared his throat, but didn't say anything.

"Marc, I don't know why - "

That was it. He turned to face me, taking his hand out of his pocket and pointing a pistol at me. I froze. Immediately, I tried to scrutinize where the tell was: the orange tip, the inside of the barrel, anything to tell me that it was an airsoft gun. Nothing gave it away, and I began to believe that if Marc had access to truckloads of narcotics, and institutions to launder money, then he must also have access to guns.

"Okay, Elias," he said. "Uh - okay."

"Okay," I said carefully. I didn't dare move.

"What do you want me to do, man?" he said.

I shook my head, mouth open. What the fuck do you mean, Riedy?

"Take your hands out of your pockets."

I took my hands out of my pockets, forgetting to take the rocks with them. If I reached in my pockets again for the rocks, would he shoot? Would he shoot regardless? Was this a bluff? This must be a bluff. A rich seventeen year old Swiss kid murdering a classmate with a gun point-blank? I've heard better jokes.