CALVIN

twenty-six: the pervert

On the first night of Corfu (business-class to fly there, private coach to the villa), Patrick's dad ordered a dozen sex workers to the house. I walked out of the bathroom into the living room, in my pyjamas, to see confetti and dildos littering the floor, and a bunch of nearly-naked ladies gyrating to slinky 80's love-making music. Patrick's dad, Thorsten, was sitting on the grand 16-foot-long silk sofa in a robe. I slowly turned away, and walked back to my room.

"Your dad has hookers."

Patrick had taken apart and was trying to re-build a telescope. "Delicate observation, Elias."

"Are they gonna have sex on the couch?"

"Ew." He gave me a scandalized expression. "Don't talk about my dad having sex. I'm going to start visualizing it."

"Isn't he supposed to be a politician?"

"Do politicians not have sex? How was I born, then?"

"But if someone finds out... it would hurt his image, right? I mean, there's at least twelve women out there."

"Mate, the entire Bundesrat is falling apart. My dad is hardly the one to attract any media. Why do you look like that? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" He looked up, the flick of a smirk. "Oh right, you haven't."

"Fuck you." I sat down on the floor. "It's just a bit weird, innit? Out there in the middle of the house? Like, what if you or Lukas just wanted to get a cereal, or something?"

"Then we'd get a fucking cereal, Elias. It's not like they're having an orgy."

"There were dragon dildos scattered on the floor."

"Okay." he clapped his hands together and abandoned his telescoping. "You need to get laid."

"What?"

"Girl or guy, I don't care - you probably don't care. We just need to get something up inside you. Agreed?"

I shook my head. "No. Not agreed. I do not consent."

"Elias, it's sad. It's just sad. You were so desperate that you turned to Roman for sexual relief. I mean, what next, my brother?"

I fake-gagged. "Ew. Disgusting. Gross. Don't even mention it."

"Hey, watch it. You're this close to committing a hate-crime."

"It would be like having sex with you, it's just... not okay."

"Stop thinking about it."

"I'm not  - "

"You're disgusting, man."

"You're the one that brought it up! - "

"Elias, listen carefully. We have two weeks on this fucking island. It's whore heaven. If you don't drown in that pussy, or get split in half by a giant cock, by the time we go back to school, I will fuck you myself."

"Now that's a hate-crime."

...

A few days later, on the beach, Patrick was off Facetiming Louisa. I sat down on the beach towel next to Lukas - he had dark blonde hair whereas Patrick had brown, he was about as tall, and had a more worldly look about him, whatever that means. "Not in the mood to swim?" I said. He had a black shirt and black jeans on.

"It's pretty cold."

I nodded to the people in the water. "They're swimming."

"Desperate for me to take my clothes off?"