CALVIN

forty-eight: the video

Marc was back at school, and Ana wasn't. 

Ana's video caught the school - and the world - by storm. I kept reading the headlines. Südkurier, Buzzfeed News, the Daily Mirror. Elite German School Stuck In Scandal After Student's Video Goes Viral. Rape Case Grips Elite German Boarding School. Bribery, Rape, Cover-Ups? These Are Just Some Of The Allegations Being Made Against Elite German Boarding School. Student Speaks Up About Elite German Boarding School.

Elite German Boarding School. They couldn't even use the actual name. 

Ana's video was almost a documentary. She was one of the talking heads, Skype-format, sitting at her desk in her dorm room. Telling every bit of the story. Her story with Neal. The Bona Fide club. Neal's near-suspensions. Neal's near-expulsions. Mr Taylor not caring about any of it.

And there was more. The tidbits in-between. The abuse I went through. The abuse Maddy went through. The drug empire. Inter-cutting footage taken at school. The bleak footpaths. The brick main building. The slate foyer, concrete interiors, the wooden stage. The dormant cornfields. All looking very sad and desolate and empty. 

And then the surprise. Or rather, the surprises. Because I guess when Calvin told me that once one brick is removed from the wall the wall crumbles, I didn't exactly believe him. Though now, as I watched Ana's talking head speak, fifteen minutes into the video, I could feel the walls becoming dust all around me. "And there's more to the story," she was saying, "it's not only the executives in Stüttgart who wage war on victims. And it's not only the students who prey on the weak. The teachers have secrets too. They abuse, too. Mr Taylor regularly beats his son, and abuses Adderall. One of the teachers molests students. But nobody wants to know about that. Everyone wants to look the other way. And let it all happen."

Let it all happen. Is that what I've been doing? That first time me and Ms Vecoli kissed? Whenever her hand went down my trousers? Could I have stopped it if I said no sooner, quicker? If I had taken the time to think about what I wanted, what I actually wanted?

And how did Ana know about Ms Vecoli and me, anyways? How did she know what Mr Taylor does to Calvin? Is there something I'm missing?

The first day back was unbearable. English class was cancelled - someone was musing with the idea that it was Ms Vecoli who was the student-molester, and that she was taken in. In environmental, Mr Taylor was trying to pretend like everything was normal. But his stutters were worst than usual, and he couldn't look anyone in the eye. Especially not his son.

I was walking past a couple twelfth graders in the hallway. 

"I feel like it's probably Herr Hayes. The way he stares at everyone. Like, it's not normal."

"But then who would he have raped?"

"I dunno. Do you think it's, like, someone in our class? Because it could be a fifth grader from the middle school, or something. It could be anyone."

"Or multiple people."

Or multiple people. I was going to be sick.

I texted Ana during lunch: Is everything ok? Things r getting crazy

She replied almost instantly: im fine. im just home for a while. ive been doing email interveiws for news outlets

I almost wrote: How did you know about Ms Vecoli and me? But I deleted it, and instead sent: How did you know about the teacher molesting students thing?

Ana: an informant told me

An informant. This was all sounding very high-stakes.

Pat found me towards the end of lunch. He took me into the music wing, which always seemed to be deserted. It was cold in the hallway. No one had bothered to turn on the heating. "This is fucked-up," he said.