Butterfly and Flame - Alina and Evan

Wishes

Evan couldn't sleep now. He was too hyped up
from the phone call and the fact that she accepted the invitation. He felt hot all over just thinking about how she looked standing in the moonlight and how she looked in general. Her full lips and perfect figure. She was just too much. Then he recalled their entire day. It was perfect from the recital, to her showing off her catlike reflexes, then dinner, her family and finally the call. One thing almost changed the day.  Her panic attack. That was something he hoped to be able to talk about with her. That she would be able to trust him enough to discuss it with him. He realized he was thinking long term with regard to her but he didn't care. He wanted to think that way about her. Somewhere inside him he needed to admit to himself that this girl had managed to claim his thoughts and threatened to even claim his heart without doing anything but being her beautiful self. The image of her standing in the moonlight came back to his mind and he couldn't help but smile to himself. He was entranced by her. She seemed both magical with abilities beyond his understanding and also grounded in knowing who she was. He couldn't stop thinking about her and what it would feel like to kiss her. Run his fingers through her hair and touch her. He was making himself crazy. What he needed was a shower or maybe two.

After bringing in some wood from the side of the cabin, Evan lit a fire to warm up the cabin. Although it was still fall the evenings would get chilly here quickly. He was in his element. Clear crips sky's and a whole new world to explore. Settling down in front of the fire his thoughts turned back to Alina. He needed to find out if he overstepped with her. He instinctively knew that she would not be like any other woman he had ever dated. She was from a very close knit family that lived their lives based on their beliefs. That was new to him but he found it to be endearing and he valued the honesty of it. He was pretty confident she was interested in him as well. He had dated plenty of women to know what that felt like. But again, Alina was different in that respect as well. She wasn't playing any games. Her glances toward him, that she thought he didn't see; were more cautious than they were coquettish. She was direct but her words were sincere. She was unceremoniously and unabashedly unique. He needed to talk with her about tonight before she went to bed. He thought to call her and then opted for a video call with FaceTime. Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. After picking up the call, she plopped herself on her bed and then began to talk while she adjusted the phone on her nightstand in order to sit back and talk away from it. It fell backwards several times and as she reached out to adjust it so they could see each other, he ended up getting  a very good look at her cleavage. He couldn't tear his eyes away. Later when the moonlight shone on her, he all but lost his ability to speak. This beauty with her simplicity and fierce loyalty had undone years of loneliness and self denial. He wasn't going to waste any more time. Something told him that she would be worth every minute of every day for the rest of his life.

When she agreed to come to the cabin he mentally flipped a switch in his head. He would take it slow and allow her to set the pace. He knew they would be friends forever but he wasn't looking for friendship as his end goal. He wanted more and the realization of that made him slightly light headed with need. He had wandered for so long. His heart had remained frozen in time. Always just a memory away from the overwhelming sense of loss that he struggled to burry. He had become a self imposed loner out of spite and fear. Wanting the comfort and warmth of the family that he had and wanting to run away from it at the same time. One day he would address his grandmother and ask for the complete truth of his story. He needed to know in order to come to terms with his life and move forward without the all consuming fear in his heart. Before doing that however he planned to pursue what was more important than that. And that was Alina.

Alina lay in her bed with her hands on her face as she saw in her minds eye the image she must have presented to Evan. Maybe he hadn't noticed. Maybe he looked away. She knew that was all wishful thinking. Once again her ability to embarrass herself knew no bounds. Well she was an adult after all wasn't she? She wore a bikini to the beach for heavens sake. That was scandalous to the way she was brought up but she chose pieces that made sense for her body type and she felt comfortable in them. He was a photographer as well and had probably seen lots of scantily dressed  models in his time but oh how she wished she could rewind it. Instead she changed her point of view and focused on her decision to accept Evans offer to stay up at the cabin for the weekend. She knew her parents would never have allowed it. Even at her age. That was not something that they would have approved of. At the same time however they had never had any reason to doubt her honesty and respect for them. She convinced herself of that, therefore since she knew her self and her boundaries; she would be alright. At least until they found out at some point in the future.

Alina was curious about Evan. She had been in a long term relationship before but it wasn't even fair to call it that. They were friends who never made it beyond first base. It was mutual and nobody got their feelings hurt. They stayed in the relationship a lot longer than they should have because it was expected from family and friends and it was comfortable. Luis and Alina has joked about it with Evan but the reality of it was that they had dated. They had kissed, they had attempted to make out before finding it utterly gross as they viewed each other as best friends and even brother and sister. They would do anything for each other and that was a win for both of them. She had plenty of suitors. From friends of her siblings to friends of friends. She was not so unaware of her appeal to men but many times she felt like the boys and later men she met were looking at her appearance only and not at her. She became a expert at recognizing chemistry with someone in the first few minutes. She became adept at turning interested suitors into friends or simply running them off with her kind but definite indifference.

That was not true of one man though. He didn't automatically cause her radar to go up. He worked his way into her friendships and then as a confidant. He maneuvered her so expertly she never noticed until it was too late. Her second relationship lasted a much shorter period of time. That was a terrible mistake and if she had one wish granted to her, it would be to have never met him. Had she never met him she never would have been in the accident. She would be dancing somewhere on stage today. Her brother would never have lost the use of his legs and she wouldn't be suffering from panic and anxiety. He had ruined so much of her dreams by merely having met her. When she thought about it she realized that she didn't have much experience with men at all. Some of it had to do with wrong thinking. She was a young girl when she received a diagnosis of a condition that might prevent her from conceiving and or taking the pregnancy to full term. Having grown up in a loving home with two siblings that, she sometimes bossed around for their own protection; she always knew that she wanted kids herself. She felt devastated at learning that she might never have children naturally. So being young and having very romantic ideas about love and marriage she decided that she would just never marry. That's why her relationship with Luis lasted as long as it did. There was no way they were going beyond holding hands so kids didn't matter. But now, the notions she had as a teenager seemed to utterly ridiculous. Her relationship with Luis was a lovely memory of childhood and the other was just a horrible nightmare that she worked at every day to forget. Maybe if she was lucky Evan might entertain the idea of dating her. To admit it to herself felt surreal. The longer she held that thought the more excited and thrilled she became at the possibilities that lay ahead. Already she felt that the way they communicated and cared about the same things were bringing them together. It was true, she didn't have much experience; however she had never felt such a draw or connection to another human being than what she was beginning to feel for Evan. She grabbed the frame off of her nightstand and starred at the photo. He had managed to capture her face as she twirled around to get a look at where the coin might have landed in the fountain. She recognized the look on her face as one of expectation and hopefulness. In that moment she recalled her wish and all that she felt that day. She had asked for a chance to make a new future for herself filled with passion and love again. At the time she envisioned the love and passion for writing carrying her into a new life. But seconds later she met Evan. And now perhaps her coin toss was bringing love and passion into her life in such an unexpected way. Time would tell.