I really do wonder sometimes, if people would actually feel sad if i die, or if they're just saying that for other people. If i were to kill myself right now, how do i know that my friends and family would actually care? For all i know, i may have just been a mistake, a burden, and a waste of space that gets in the way of everybody's lives. All of my friends and family might actually hate me and I wouldn't know!
How fun is that? So, everybody hates me, that just gives me all the more reason to kill myself, less suffering for me! Yay!!
I can't even begin to tell you how happy it would make me to find out that nobody likes me and that everyone finds me annoying. Ughh that would make killing myself way easier, and make me feel less guilty for doing it!
Do you know how many people have told me, oh you have other people to live for! Think about how they would feel!
Do you think, that when i feel depressed or fucking angry at myself, that i give a flying fuck about anything other than killing myself? The answer is no, sorry not sorry!
Why the hell would i care about other people when I'm down, when there's no one there to help me feel happy anymore? That may sound reallyyyyy insensitive to some people but that's just how i feel these days!
I don't talk to my best friend anymore cause he's either busy, or anytime we do talk, the conversation is as dry as my love for myself, i don't bother talking to anybody else because i don't want to ruin their day, so i sit in silence. Maybe cry a little, think about dying, cut a little more than needed and move on with my day trying to please other people because that's the only reason i'm on this earth.
Man, this really sucks. I was in such a good mood yesterday. Stupid depression.
You know what's really funny though? When i started writing this, i was kinda pissed, sad too, now i'm all smiles.
It's not that venting helps, just that the dark thoughts do.
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That was really edgy i'm so sorry you had to read that. Anygays, I'mma go do my depressed bitch ritual, see you when i feel the need to write again or before i kill myself!
