Old, But Not That Old [Motough]

2. breathe [derek]

I sit in my car, with my heart beating a million miles a minute, dreading the moment I will have to face her again.  How could I have been so stupid?  I knew my developing feelings for Bethany were crazy.  She's 18.  I was her age over a decade ago.  I'm too old for her and she's too young for me.

At the start, she was just a kid. A sweet kid, but a kid. 

And then we got closer.

She's so much more than I ever imagined she would be.  She's 18, so she... keeps me young in a way.  She's a ton of fun to be around and never lets me go an hour without smiling, even if I'm stressed and basically yelling at her to get our dance routine perfect.  Even though she is 18 though, she's very mature.  Being an internet sensation, advice-giver, and role model to millions, she is wise beyond her years.  Sometimes I almost feel like she's the one who's older than me.

My mind battles with myself as I mentally slap myself in the face.  I'm a professional. I'm supposed to know not to let things get past just a "instructor/student" relationship. In some cases, maybe letting a small romance grow, or make it seem like one may exist, can be a good publicity thing.  It can get the audience to hugely ship (isn't that what they say these days: 'ship'? oh man, I feel so old) you and your partner to keep them voting.  But I've seen fans try to make something of Bethany and I and so many people fire back that we are too far apart in age.  That it's weird.  That it's inappropriate. That it could never happen. Well, world, considering the fact that I kissed Bethany last night without thinking twice, your crazy gossip may not be so crazy after all.

I have to go in there; she's probably waiting for me.  I take a deep breath and prepare myself to conduct a totally mature rehearsal, forgetting about what a stupidly did less than 12 hours ago.  Hope this isn't awkward.

breathe, Derek. breathe, I remind myself.

As I step inside the studio, I find Beth sitting, cross-legged on the floor.  She glances up from her phone and smiles at me. "Hey."

"Hi," I say, trying my absolute best to pretend nothing out of the ordinary happened yesterday. 

A moment of silence passes between us as I settle my stuff down and glance at the clock.  Five minutes to nine.  Time to start stretching, I suppose.  

I sit on the floor next to Bethany.  Reaching toward my outstreched left leg, I quietly instruct her to do the same.  

After a few stretches, Beth speaks.  "The camera man isn't coming until 9:15 today, right?"

"Right," I say, nodding.

I hear her sigh. "So, do you wanna... talk about what happened last night?"

My eyes dart up to meet hers, but as soon as they do, I feel my cheeks flush, so I drop my gaze.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. It was inappropriate," I mutter, crossing my arms to stretch my back.

"Do you... have feelings for me?" she says, quietly, but firmly.

"I can't answer that," I mumble.  My heart begins to beat faster.  Why are we talking about this? Why can't we pretend it didn't happen? I suppose talking about it is the only way to be rid of the looming awkwardness in the air, so I sigh and agree to cooperate with Bethany's questions.

"Is that a yes?"

"Beth, I'm old enough to be your dad..." I say, more confidently, turning towards her and looking into her eyes.  I hope by speaking firmly I can convince her, and myself, that my feelings for her are ridiculous, but I still feel my heart race as I speak.

She rolls her eyes. "Not unless you were eleven when you conceived me, which is very unlikely.." she giggles a little bit, probably to swallow some of the weirdness in the room.

I let out a small grin. "Okay fine, Miss Technical, your uncle then maybe..."

"Derek."

I look up at her. Her large brown eyes are opened wide and are looking into mine.

"What?" I say, defensively.

"It's not a crime to have feelings for me."

My cheeks blush and I look down. "We have to be professional, Bethany."

"Oh come on, that's not why you're beating yourself up over this, it's the age difference, isn't it?" she accuses.

I sigh. "America would not condone a relationship between us."

"Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder were eleven years apart when they dated!" she argues. "And they were like America's power couple." She chuckles at herself, then gets serious. "Not that we should date," Bethany clarifies, "I'm just saying... it's not horrible." She looks down and I notice her cheeks blush.

She's adorable.

I breathe deeply, slapping myself mentally.  That's your problem, Derek! She's adorable. She's just a kid.

A damn beautiful and kinda sexy kid though.

Oh my God, I need help.  Mental help. Right now.

"Please, just... tell me you don't have feelings for me..." I say, hoping she'll tell me just that.  If she does, my crazy emotions will eventually fade, I'm sure.  If not... we might be in for some trouble.

Her brown eyes look up at me before she closes them and says, "I can't say that".

Perfect.

"But honestly, Derek, did you really think I didn't? I mean, have you seen yourself?" she comments. We look into each others eyes and let out a slight laugh.

"Good point," I mutter, jokingly, rolling my eyes.  She laughs.  I look at her and we both take in a moment of silence, realizing we basically both just admitted our feelings for each other.

Finally I break the silence by putting my hand on her thigh. I realize this may be slightly inappropriate after the recent reveal of romantic emotions, but I brush that thought aside.

"I just don't want anything to get in the way of us doing the damn best we can in that competition.  We've been killing it out there, and this week is gonna be no exception. We can't let anything make it awkward or anything less than what we've been doing on that floor every single week, alright? Promise me that my stupid little stunt last night won't interfere with us putting together some kickass dances, okay?"

She smiles and nods. "Okay. I promise."

"Good. Now let's get to work. I see more 10s in your future, Miss Mota."

I stand up and offer her my hand.  As I help her up, she laughs.

"Well now we know this rumba is gonna have tons of passion, don't we?" Bethany winks and then lets out a small giggle.

Her ability to be so cute and so sexy at the same time blows my mind. I'll never understand it.