Old, But Not That Old [Motough]

3. chemistry [bethany]

The rest of rehearsal on Saturday wasn't bad.  It was slightly awkward, because even though we agreed to keep things professional and not let what happened get in the way of rehearsal or our best efforts to kick some (excuse my language) ass on Monday, it was really hard to forget that we kissed.  Well... for me, at least.

Every time Derek got close enough that I could feel his breath on my face, my heart started beating faster and faster until I nearly felt dizzy.  I wanted to kiss him again, but I knew that I had to focus and push those thoughts aside.

I sit now, in my costume, on the balcony of the Dancing With the Stars venue, waiting for our turn to run our routine for dress rehearsal.  Derek and I, with the help of the costume experts of course, chose an elegant and flowy light pink dress for me to wear.  My hair is half-up and half-down in loose wavy curls and my eye makeup is stunning.  The makeup artists really pulled through on this one.

Derek and Mark Ballas walk by, laughing about who knows what, and then stop in front of me.

"Damn, Beth. You look gorgeous!" Mark exclaims with a grin on his face.  I blush and giggle.

"Thanks Markie," I beam, using my occasional nickname for him. He's become like a brother to me throughout this competition and I take the compliment to heart.

Mark laughs. "It's the truth. Isn't it, Derek? Does she not look absolutely stunning?"

My smile fades somewhat, unsure of how Derek will react to this question. Both my eyes and Mark's turn to Derek who is trying to hide his smile, but answers immediately. "Yes, she looks absolutely stunning."

All three of us let out small laughs, and Mark, completely oblivious to this small comment, chuckles and pats Derek on the back.  Meanwhile, Derek and I make eye-contact.  

He just called me stunning.  My breath catches.  Had he said this before our little admittance of feelings, I would've just giggled and brushed it off like I had when Mark complimented me.  It wouldn't have meant as much.  But now that I know that he looks at me as more than just a little girl, or more than just his dance partner, the sweet words make me melt.  It wasn't just a friendly compliment.  It was something honest and meaningful.  And by Derek's quick response and the immidiate blush on his cheeks, I can tell we both are very aware of how real these feelings are.

"Well I better go find Sadie, I think we're up next," Mark says, giving Derek a goodbye head-nod and me a smile.

"See ya later, man," Derek mutters to Mark.

"Bye Mark!" I chirp, with a smile that he returns as he turns to walk away.

Derek and I look at each other before glancing to the floor.  We let out another awkward laugh and then he grabs my hands in his.

"So you ready to kill this rumba..??" His eyes are wide and his smile is even wider.  I can tell he is trying to brush off the confession he just unthinkingly made in order to eliminate any awkwardness between us and get my head in the game.  I decide to play along, even though he looks incredibly good in his black button-down shirt.

"Is that even a question?" I joke.

He grins. "Good answer."

Suddenly the music begins for Mark and Sadie's dance and both Derek and I stand up to watch them over the balcony.  They dance an adorable jazz number.  The music is a country-themed song and I find myself moving my head and tapping my foot to the beat.  I notice Derek watching me and smiling out of the corner of my eye.  I decide to take a chance and ask him the question that has been on my mind all day.

"So, Derek...?" I look up at him standing next to me and see his expression change.

"Yeah? What's up?"

I turn to face the dancefloor but continue to speak, quietly, but loud enough for Derek to hear. "So I know we agreed to not let... what happened on Friday get in the way of the competition, but are we gonna pretend it didn't happen? Like is that what you want..?"  When I finish speaking, I look at him.  His gaze drops, but then he looks around to make sure nobody is watching or listening to this conversation.  Turning to face me, he leans his left arm on the balcony and runs his right hand through  his hair.

"I don't know, Bethany, I mean... I want that, but I don't know how realistic that is."

I look at him compassionately and he returns the gaze, worry evident in his eyes.

"I just wish it never happened," he admits. "Because now I made it weird between us and-"

I cut him off and, without thinking, place a hand on his bicep. "No you didn't, Derek. It's fine.  Everything is the same. Except... whether or not we decide to acknowledge what happened."

His blue eyes pierce mine.  He's clearly torn up about this, and I don't see why.

I mean... I do. It's a show, and the audience plays a large part in making sure we move on in the competition. If some scandal causes them to stop voting for us, we might be screwed, and a romantic relationship between Derek and I might be just the scandal to do that. Plus he might just feel weird about liking someone so much younger than him. I guess he very well could be my uncle...

But at the same time, it was just a kiss. A helpless, instinctive kiss. It's not like he meant any harm by it. And we covered it up well. And we've agreed to act professionally about it. The only problem, though, is that acting professionally may be way harder than either of us imagined.

"I've been thinking about it since Friday..." he mumbles, just loud enough for me to hear. His eyes meet mine after this confession and I feel my heart start to beat faster.

I smile slightly. "Me too," I admit, sighing.

The music for Sadie and Mark's dance finishes and applause and cheering from the crew and other contestants erupts throughout the theater.  Derek and I are startled out of our somewhat intimate moment and turn to look down at Mark and Sadie hugging.

"Janel and Val.. you're up. Bethany and Derek, you're on deck." The announcer's voice echoes through the theater.  Derek looks at me.

"Guess we better get down there..." he says, offering me his hand.  I grab it, with a small smile, and follow him onto the dance floor.

We run our dance and I feel a rush of adrenaline afterwards.  That was incredible.  It always is after the dress rehearsal, when everything comes together fully for the first time.  This time was different though. I couldn't quite put my finger on why.

"That was amazing, Beth. Do it like that tonight and we're in good shape," Derek says, breathing deeply as we let go of our final position.

I smile. "That felt really good. I'm excited for tonight."

The sparkle in his blue eyes makes his smile seem even sweeter. He lets out a small laugh. "Me too."