Seething Journey

Chapter 12

It makes me laugh because I know what I was put through. I feel satisfied knowing I came out okay. I'm glad I can look back and say I did what I should have done. I know I shouldn't have done certain things but I wouldn't have learned lessons. I continue to learn something about myself. I accept it and I know I have gotten better. I know there are still moments when the sadness creeps up. There are times when I cry because I know how it hurt me. I know how deep it went and I know how it affected me. I just know I will have to go back to therapy at one point. I know maybe writing about it will keep me afloat. There is one thing I am glad about for it. When I went to therapy they used to tell me about writing things down too.

My writing has always been there and yet it continues to let me build. It continues to be something I enjoy before all else. There are many reasons I enjoy it. There are many reasons u gave wondered why I didn't give up. Yet, if I'm being honest with myself, I know why. I know why u continue to come back to it. I know when I don't write I get irritable. I know my life has been filled with many different routines. With each routine, I have been able to fit writing in some way. I have goals I want to achieve with my writing. I know I got to stop letting things get in the way. I just know I got to prove to myself with everything else surrounding my life. I got to push it before I can get back into being able to do my writing. I hope one day I can make money from my writing.

I don't want to sell it for people to try and destroy it. I want to have all the rights to my writing. I want to know it's mine and no one else can do anything to it. It's why I am going to get my stories copyrighted. I'm going to pay the big money and male sure no one can steal my work. I know I have no choice because I got writing friends whose work is being taken from them. I don't believe it's right. It's not right because there is so much work we put into it just to have people plagiarize and I can't stand it. I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen to me. I know I got to do something to protect the work I have put in. My writing has taken energy from me. There were times when it used to take me a full year to finish a piece. I have come to be able to do it within the matter of a few months.

I have been doing the national novel writing month challenges and it pushed us as writers. I know I won't ways hit 50,000 words but if I just attempt to do it I am fine. There was this one-year I was doing it, I literally stayed up until 2:00 am to finish writing one novel because I was so close to 50,000 words. It's a challenge I was able to do one year within two weeks. The time I did it in two weeks I was blown away. I was blown away because I had never done it before. Yet I knew it was because I planned the story out. I wrote my outline and I made sure to follow it step by step. I can plan and I can do it on a whim. Either way, I have found a way to come out on top. I know it's shocking but it can be done. I know it's a task which seems like "you can't write a book in just a month."

I know it seems impossible but it's half of a novel. A complete novel is 80,000 words. I have never gotten that far. Yet, I'm positive I can do it one day. I know I can if I just try. I know I probably did with my poem story on Wattpad. It has 88 chapters. It only has 88 chapters because of my poems. My poems are filled with tons of emotions. I know it felt good to see the reaction they got. I know with all the typing I did that day to put them on Wattpad, my followers had to go on a frenzy. At least I hope that's what happened. I'm going to keep trying to reach new heights with my writing. I know I can achieve it. I know everything takes time and dedication. I know I must prove how bad I want it. I got to do it with everything these days. It doesn't surprise me either.

It doesn't surprise me because there is always a competition for something. Yet when you are competing with yourself you got to remember you can go, farther, then you have ever dreamed. I know I got the drive to do so. I know I got the drive to do tons of things. I always like pushing myself to new limits. I know I have limits, but I don't let them stop me. I go above and beyond with everything. I try to because I know I got to show my worth. I know I got to let people realize I am not stupid. I got to be able to prove I can do it. I got to prove I can do the job and tasks they put in front of me. I know it takes time to be as good as my teachers but I know I am a fast learner. I know I can do far more than I ever give myself credit for. I know it because I have surprised myself many times.

You got to be your own worst enemy and your biggest supporter. Sometimes you got to be both at the same time. I have learned it many times. I got people behind me who want to see me do great. They know I can. They want me to believe in myself just as much as they do. I know it seems like a tough task at times. It's usually because I'm trying to syke myself out. I do it so much I think there is something wrong with me. Yet once I take a step back and think about all the things I have learned; I realize I'm better than feeling like a loser. When you feel like a loser you think everyone f you do will come out bad. You think you aren't worth it and no one else will see you as strong either. You allow all the negativity around you to consume you. You let it manifest until it gets out of control.

Then you go turn to self-help books therapists to try and get you right again. I have done both and yes it's successful. I have also learned talking with my coworkers and friends have helped me too. We all go through it together. We learn from each other and keep pushing. We know there is somewhere we all want to get to. I know I got what I need to do whatever I want to do. I know I will get somewhere one day with my writing. I just got to keep writing and wait and see. I know giving up won't do me any good. I know it won't because it will make me seem like a sore loser. I don't want to be known as a sore winner neither.

Don't get me wrong I am happy with the person I am today. I am because I know I can wake up with a smile on my face. I know I can be there for the ones I love even if I'm not there physically. I got the power to show my loved ones the things I can do. I get to see the news and be able to make sure I live my life the right way. I get the chance to pray every morning and I get to pray every single day for however long the good Lord allows me to. I know God is the reason why I have the gift of writing, drawing, reading and all the other things I do. I know I have been able to do everything I have because God has never given up on me. I know I must keep going because he allows it. I must give credit to the right person. I know it's only right because I wouldn't be on this earth if not for him.

My faith us as strong as my love for my family friends and my writing. I know I won't give up on my faith because if I let my guard down for one second there is no telling what will happen. I got to stay alert and keep pushing. I got to put all the effort I can into loving my Holy Father. I know my love for him comes before anything and anyone. I know he is the only one who truly controls what happens in my life. He just allows me to think I have control. I know everyone has their own religion and beliefs. I know j got to go by what I know and believe and do it right. Making sure I live right is the best way to approach everything going on in this world today. You never know what's going to happen. You got to be prepared. You got to expect the unexpected even if you don't want to.

We all must do things we don't want to. We must because we want to survive. We all have families to support no matter how big. We must take care of ourselves too. We got to make something of ourselves too. It includes having to deal with a secondhand job for us to be able to go to school and work ten times harder and get a better job. We may even have to get two jobs and go to school at the same time. We all know there is a ton at stake. We know we got to be cautious and remember there aren't too many people we can trust in the world. Even though there are people we trust, we got to be mindful of them too. They can backstab you just as much as a recent acquaintance can.