Seething Journey

Chapter 2

With talking to her, I found I had a new person I could go to. I found someone I felt I could trust. Someone I felt that when it came to the questions I had wanted to ask my dad, she could help me. Little did I realize; it seemed my father didn't care. It took me some time to find out. I'm getting ahead of myself. Once everything has come to where I felt I couldn't deal with my great aunt and my dad at the same time, I knew I had to decide. To me, I think it was the best decision I made.

Looking back on how everything has come to be as it is, I would have to say it all began back in 2017. With me wrapping up the ending of my novel Tangled and Challenged, I had written one last journal entry before I had given up on journals for a little while. Back then when it came to my journal entries, a lot of them were titled. I was posting on a website called livejournal.com. With this website, I have two journals on there. I don't remember why I had stopped writing there. When it comes to my writing, there are times when I lose myself in it and I want to post on every writing site I can find. I can say I am very scatterbrained at times when it comes to my journal writing. At least, I know at some point when I truly need my journals, I can always find the dates I need.

With me breaking the story down into parts it helped me be able to keep tabs on where my journal entries were and where the story started back up again. Without further ado here is the journal entry from January 28, 2017. It was titled Freedom is Real!
Even though I have been trying to lose my cool for a long time, I have finally done it. A few nights ago, it happened. It's a good thing I was on the phone with my best friend. I guess I was just more comfortable spilling my guts to her instead of to my dad and the other people around me. Then again, she did tell me to calm down as always. I think it was the mere fact I let everything build up for so long to where I just exploded. It's something I was always afraid would happen when I was in high school. I swore I would end up that way. I'm just glad it didn't. I have been so worried about the reactions of others, I almost forgot about myself. It has been a long couple of years. There are so many different things I have done and have been trying to keep calm.

I'm just glad I am getting back to being strong. I have missed being the doubtful, but strong person I have always been. Friday night, when my dad told me to focus on school I wanted to snap. That's the one thing I have always done. It just baffled me to even think he didn't think I could do it. I keep thinking he wants me to be a spinster. It might just be in my head. Anyway, I am still working, and I just want a little bit of love. I want a love of my own. I hate being the third wheel and constantly being frowned upon because I had two nights where I got to be like any other woman getting affection. I have always wanted to have good grades and love at the same time. I have only had it twice and I just want it again. It's not a hard thing to ask for. I just know it will happen soon enough. I am just so tired of having to wait for everything to happen for me.

It's ridiculous if you ask me. I'm just going to keep trying. I don't start school until September. I can balance work, school, and a relationship. I just don't think my dad believes in me enough. I think it's another reason why I need to try harder. I want to prove all those who have been negative to me wrong. I want it to be where I'm the one on top. I know normally that's what a guy says. Yet, I just want to be the one who had finally achieved her goals. I hade been wanting to do so much with my life. I don't want someone trying to stop me. I know I oversee my future. I just want to keep on pushing. It's something I know all too well. I don't think anyone else can tell me they weren't in the same position. If they can't then there must be something wrong. Anyway, that's just my opinion. I have been feeling a whole lot better over my writing. It's starting to get noticed and I am proud of myself. I'm more thankful too.

Well, that was the beginning of 2017. In the coming months, things did change. In the month of March, I decided to take my novel Tangled and Challenged and post it in my favorite writing site Wattpad. With being on Wattpad since 2013, I have found it to be very rewarding. It just wasn't until 2014, in which I began to start using it more. Anyway, throughout February and March, I was still working at the auto body shop. During that time things were getting better some days and then other days it was like I felt worthless. I wanted to do more and I didn't want to keep feeling like I needed to prove something to my great aunt. There were times when she would tell me I didn't look like my mother or my father. There were times when she would say I shouldn't wear makeup because it just made me look the same.

She told me I needed to dress more like an adult instead of like a child. I agreed but at the same time, I felt like I didn't go anywhere enough to worry about it. As time went on, I just wanted a change. Things were driving me crazy and it was getting to the point where I was about to snap. I couldn't take it. The moment my great aunt said, "I was a piece of shit and I was mooching off of her," I was done. I said, "I quit." I was sitting right there at her kitchen table. It was proof then; I didn't need to be there. She felt I couldn't work anyway. Why not speed the process of her firing me. I just beat her to the punch. When that year came, everything changed for me and I changed with it. It was back in April 2017. I was happy I had quit working for my great aunt at her auto body shop. For a full week, I was unemployed. I was okay though. My dad wanted to remind me I needed to work. I knew that. During that week, I went to every place along the strip of where we live. It's amazing to think I walked in every place. Still, I went and applied and turned in applications as quickly as I could. Well once I got back to the house, I got a call from a place on the strip called Zaxby's. When I answered the phone, it was the general manager, Arron who had called me. He asked me if I was willing to come and have an interview. I explained to him that I would be there in thirty minutes because I was walking. Thankfully, he understood and gave me the time I needed to get up there.

As I was walking up there, I was nervous. When I did get up there, I had my interview and it was like nothing I had expected. Arron had just talked to me. It was cool. The one thing which took me aback was when he found out how much I made when I was working for my great aunt and uncle. It's still a kick today sometimes when I think about it. To me, I feel as if April 4, was the day which changed my life: Arron told me I was going to start working on the upcoming Monday. When I first started working, I was having trouble. I was good at the cleaning part, but it did take me some time to get used to the registers and getting good at prepping the food for the cooks. Towards the end of the month, things went awry at home, which made me push for being at work a whole lot more.

Towards the end of April, there was a lot of drama. According to my dad's girlfriend Andrea, she and my mom talked. Now my mom calling and talking to Andrea took a little minute for me to understand I have never known my mom to do things out of the ordinary. Anyway, apparently my mom had been strung out on drugs and she called Andrea and they talked about a whole lot of things. She wanted to get back with my father and she told Andrea that my dad's first five children didn't belong to him. She told her that my little sister Christina, who passed when she was two had been moved from the grave she was at in a children's cemetery to being placed in the family cemetery of her biological father. Andrea was the one who told me. She told me my dad said not to and he wanted to go to his grave not knowing if we were or weren't.

There was a part of me which wanted to know and then there was a part of me which couldn't believe what was said. Once I was told that things just started getting even weirder between my father, me and Daquan. He was a lot angrier when he talked to us. You could see the difference in how he talked to us and Allison and Bella. On Friday, April 28, 2017, things changed from crazy to horrible and unbelievable.